Photos
Quotes
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Frank Burns : What would have happened in 1776 if the Minutemen on their way to Concord had stopped to worry about toilet paper?
Hawkeye : So we would have had independence ten minutes later.
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Frank Burns : [looking at Klinger] What's he doing in here?
Hawkeye : Sharing our tent.
Frank Burns : Not on your nellie. You won't catch me sleeping with an enlisted man.
Hawkeye : Frank...
Frank Burns : Hmm?
Hawkeye : Just wrap yourself in the flag and go to sleep.
Trapper : And don't get in bed with that gun. That's an order.
Frank Burns : A captain can't give a major an order.
Hawkeye : Then it's a threat.
Frank Burns : Well, that's different. This was a great war until you guys showed up.
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Lt. Col. Henry Blake : Our supply line's been cut.
Maj. Frank Burns : Who did that?
Lt. Col. Henry Blake : ...The other side, Frank.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : We can't do everything ourselves.
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Frank Burns : Gripe, gripe, gripe!
Hawkeye : [singing] The boys are marching.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Frank, why aren't you sleeping with a blanket?
Maj. Frank Burns : None of your beeswax.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Everybody else is freezing.
Maj. Frank Burns : It's my metabolism. I'm hyperthyroid. Very low blood pressure, very low body temperature.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : That comes from being dead for two years.
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Maj. Frank Burns : This place ought to be called Benedict Arnold Hospital!
Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre : Hey, Frank made a joke.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : I think we ought to get a second opinion on that.