- Sid: Did you hear? Larry is banging Sharon Stone.
- Hank Kingsley: You shut the fuck up. And hide that.
- [throws Sid's muffin]
- Norman Litkey: Larry, if you're dating Joannie Boloney who gives a shit? But Sharon Stone... I'm wetting myself.
- Larry Sanders: Sure, this is a pre-existing condition I live with.
- Norman Litkey: Let me explain the second law of thermodynamics to you, okay. Heat always passes from a hotter body to a cooler body and never the other way around.
- Larry Sanders: Alright, is there gonna be a quiz on this?
- Norman Litkey: No, it's fabulous! You see, you're giving her heat, that means the show is getting heat, that means my kids will eat.
- Larry Sanders: You have kids?
- Norman Litkey: There's some kids in my neighborhood, who gives a shit?
- Arthur: You're actually telling me you couldn't get an erection until you turn your own godamn show on?
- Beverly Barnes: Gentlemen, please!
- Larry Sanders: Look, he was being clinical, he didn't call a 'woody'.