- Arthur: Ivanka is in on Thursday. She's slim and sexy. She puts the 'supe' in supermodel.
- Larry Sanders: Thursday?
- Arthur: Yeah. Why don't you have dinner with her tonight?
- Larry Sanders: Maybe go over the questions?
- Arthur: Precisely. Ivanka! Keep your mind off of Roseanne.
- Larry Sanders: Hey, Roseanne who?
- Arthur: These days, who the fuck knows.
- Roseanne: [Larry is overhearing Roseanne on her dressing room] I can't wear this dress, I'm pregnant, you deepshit!
- Larry Sanders: [to an assistant walking on the corridor] Excuse me, would you close the door.
- Roseanne: Who shut that door? It's like a goddamn sauna in here.
- Hank Kingsley: Phil, could you... could you do me a favor? You know that joke I've been doing in the uh... in the warmup?
- Phil: The one about Clinton inhaling?
- Hank Kingsley: For some reason and maybe it's me but it's just not getting that waaah laugh it used to. Can you toss me a new line?
- Phil: Ok. You could say that you live on Rockingham, just a knife's throw from O.J.'s house.
- Hank Kingsley: Uh... no, I don't think I could do that one. That, that implies O.J. is guilty.
- Phil: Huh huh.
- Hank Kingsley: I don't think he is.
- Phil: Please Hank, don't tell me you're one of those.
- Hank Kingsley: Hey, I have met this man, he's always been nice to me. He is a... he's a great guest, he's a good neighbor, always kept his lone up.
- Phil: That's nice but what about all the evidence? What about the blood?
- Hank Kingsley: Oh hey I'm sure if you look at all my underwear you'd find some blood there too.
- Phil: They found blood on his socks!
- Hank Kingsley: Yeah, well... I'm gonna go out and murder someone without my shoes on.
- Phil: C'mon, c'mon. They found blood on his Bronco, they found blood in his house, they found a bloody glove on his property, how do you explain all of that?
- Hank Kingsley: He's always been nice to me.
- Phil: I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you.
- Hank Kingsley: What?
- Phil: I am freaking out.
- Hank Kingsley: You little prick! You little... prick! You did it! You egged my car!
- Phil: What are you talking about?
- Hank Kingsley: What I am talking... my Bentley is covered with eggs!
- Phil: Why would you think I did that?
- Hank Kingsley: Wh...
- [pointing to Phil's table]
- Hank Kingsley: Look at this.
- Phil: Those things in the egg carton, those are eggs.
- Hank Kingsley: Yes, those are eggs, Phil.
- Phil: I need protein, I like eggs, what's weird about that?
- Hank Kingsley: You have dried egg on your shoe. Where were you this morning?
- Phil: McDonalds with a friend. Hey listen, Hank, if I egged your car would I be dumb enough to have dried egg on my shoe?
- Hank Kingsley: There's egg shells on the table, there's egg shells on the floor... you have uh...
- Phil: Yolk.
- Hank Kingsley: YOLK... on your fingers!
- Phil: Ok, calm down. Listen, you're honestly very upset, okay? I don't know, maybe it was a drug deal gone bad that led to this horrible egging. But I have to assure you Hank, that I'm 100% not guilty.
- Hank Kingsley: Oh... I get it. I get it. Okay, that's clever, it's very good. O.J., right? Ok, you say you didn't do it?
- Hank Kingsley: I didn't do it.
- Phil: Fine. And I believe you didn't do it. Until you're proven guilty in a court of law.
- Hank Kingsley: Fuck you, Hank, of course I did it.
- Phil: [kicking the door] Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! You clean it up or I'm gonna tell Artie.
- Roseanne: [leaving a message to Larry] Larry, you asshole, I know you're there. It's Roseanne. I'm doing your show in a couple of days and I wish we could talk before we get on the air. Call me if you have the balls.