- Kenny Mitchell: Our research department has come up with some really creative ideas. These are just a few suggestions. Number one: we'd like to see a more enthusiastic Leno-type opening when you run through the audience and shake everyone's hands.
- Larry Sanders: You know, that's how you get the flu.
- Arthur: You could wear rubber gloves.
- Larry Sanders: That's true and then I could uh check their prostates too.
- Hank Kingsley: Why are you fucking on me like this? "Hey Now" is my catchphrase, I own it, I made it up. And who this schmuck thinks he is? Call my lawyer.
- Hank Kingsley: I lost my sheep in a poker game...
- Phil: Yeah.
- Hank Kingsley: What's funny about that?
- Phil: You in a dress.
- Hank Kingsley: Oh... oh, right right. I get it. I was paying too much attention to the words.
- Hank Kingsley: Is he retarded?
- Brian: No, he works in a shoe store.
- Phil: He looks just like you, you sure he's not retarded?
- Hank Kingsley: Ah could you crawl under here and blow me?
- Phil: Haha, I don't do fat chicks.
- [last lines]
- Larry Sanders: I'm gonna start this show again.
- Arthur: Good.
- Hank Kingsley: Live on tape from Hollywood, the Larry Sanders Show. Starring Larry Sanders. Tonight joining Larry and his guests: Winona Ryder, Jon Stewart, Smash Mouth and me, Hey Now, Hank Kingsley. And now because the charges were dropped, Larry Sanders!
- [Larry changes his usual entrance and high-fives the audience]