King of the Hill (TV Series)

Witches of East Arlen (2003)

David Cross: Ward Rackley

Quotes 

• Ward Rackley : This, Bobby, is nutmeg. And we use this spice for...

  Bobby Hill : Oh, I remember... give me a second... invincibility.

  Ward Rackley : Resplendent! The spices sit easily upon you.

  Spice Store Guy : Oh, you boys are making a cake?

  Ward Rackley : A "cake"?

  Bobby Hill : Yeah -- a cake of tremendous power!

  Ward Rackley : Score one for the acolyte!

• Hank Hill : You're Ward Rackley?

  Ward Rackley : It's one of my many monikers, yes. I am also known as Manolgar of the North Woods, and in certain circles, Austin Aussman Straklabartar.

  Hank Hill : How old are you? 30? 40?

  Ward Rackley : Not even close. I am 5000.

  Hank Hill : Don't you have any friends your own age? Someone to drink with? Maybe a girlfriend?

  Ward Rackley : And waste my seed on a common harlot? Not likely. When the time is right, a maiden will be delivered up to me. Probably from the East.

  Hank Hill : Some of this isn't your fault. I mean, a man can only take so many wedgies before he goes to pieces.

• Ward Rackley : The persecution of our kind is on the rise. Perhaps it's time to take our powers to the next level. Tonight we are going to kick it up a notch and summon a dread force that will bestow upon us unequalled power. Of course we'll need someone to be the Chalice holder.

  Bobby Hill : I'll do it.

  Ward Rackley : Excellent, my young apprentice, you will earn that white wizard cone yet. We will convene at the ceremony grounds at half past the eighth hour, assuming that fat ass let's me leave on time.