- Bobby Hill: Luanne, I know we've had our differences but I was kinda hoping we could make up and not get married.
- Luanne Platter: Uncle Hank, Bobby's trying to get out of marrying me.
- Hank: Bobby, you cut that out.
- Peggy Hill: 12 years old and drinking a beer?
- Bobby Hill: I didn't even like it!
- Hank: Now you're just tryin' to get me mad.
- Bobby Hill: Please, Dad, I don't want to marry Luanne.
- Hank: Well, it's a little late for that. You didn't take care of Boomhauer's, you drank beer, you messed with Luanne's lady pills. I ask you, is that responsible behavior?
- Bobby Hill: [sighs] No.
- Hank: Well, then, having to marry Luanne will be a good lesson for you.
- Kahn Souphanousinphone, Sr.: Minh, Minh, it's finally happening! Bobby Hillbilly is marrying hillbilly cousin. Ha ha you owe me $5. Ha Ha in your face.
- Bobby Hill: I'm sorry for the pranks, Luanne... and you probably shouldn't open your laundry hamper very quickly unless you like snakes.
- Luanne Platter: Thank you. Oh, you might not wanna ride downhill on your bike. Somethin' might be wrong with the brake cable.
- Bobby Hill: Oh, don't use your mouthwash around an open flame.
- Luanne Platter: I'll try not to... Oh, um, you might wanna stop drinkin' that milk.
- Hank: How do you like that? Peggy, come in here. A camera in the bedroom. This is kinda fun. This is Hank Hill with the news.
- Peggy Hill: Hank, you are terrible.
- Hank: You can make up for this by marrying Luanne.
- Bobby Hill: But I'm only 12 years old.
- Hank: Well just think, you can be married for 80 years.
- Bobby Hill: Dad, you can't make me marry Luanne.
- Hank: Yes, I can. You're only 12 years old.
- Bill Dauterive: Bobby, do you take this girl to be your lawfully wedded wife?
- [Bobby moans]
- Hank: That sounded like a ?yes? to me.
- Luanne Platter: Can I tell him now? Can I tell him how we fooled him?
- Peggy Hill: Oh Luanne, I'm really really sorry about this honey, but I have some bad news.
- Hank: It turns out, Bill is actually a licensed minister.
- Luanne Platter: You mean I'm really married to Bobby?
- Peggy Hill: Legally, yes.