- Bobby Hill: Dad, guess where I am?
- Hank Hill: I dunno. Let's see, crushing Dwight Yoakam's voice box with my 5-iron?
- Bobby Hill: I'm at Willie Nelson's and he wants you to come over.
- Hank Hill: Son, you're teasin' the gorilla in the monkey house.
- Dale: Oh my God, I'm out of cigs.
- Bobby Hill: Mr. Gribble, who is your number one favorite hero?
- Dale: You are if you get me some smokes.
- Willie Nelson: Hey, I know you. You're the kid who rakes my lawn.
- Bobby Hill: No, sir. I'm the kid who hit you in the head.
- Willie Nelson: With my rake?
- Bobby Hill: No, sir, with a golf club.
- Willie Nelson: You rake my yard with a golf club? I want my quarter back.
- Hank Hill: [hearing a strange sound] What is that chinging sound?
- Dale: One of those stealth helicopters with computerized noise-canceling capability. They're still working the chings out.
- Bill Dauterive: How'd you know about the stealth helicopters?
- Dale: alt.conspiracy.black.helicopters
- Boomhauer: Yeah man, I tell you what, man. That dang ol' Internet, man. You just go on there and point and click. Talk about W-W-dot-W-com. An' lotsa nekkid chicks on there, man. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. It's real easy, man.
- Boomhauer: Yeah man, I tell ya what. That dang ol' internet man. You just go out on there and point and click. Yeah and talk about w w dot w com, man. You got them naked chicks on there, man. You go click click click click click click click click. It's real easy.
- Hank Hill: Sit in the middle, son. I wanna make sure Betsy's in front of the air bag.
- [Betsy is Hank's guitar]
- Hank Hill: Willie Nelson! Oh my Lord! Are you okay?
- Willie Nelson: Am I bleeding from the ears?
- Hank Hill: No.
- Willie Nelson: Then I must be okay then.
- Willie Nelson: [to Bobby] Hello son, have I seen you before?
- Bobby Hill: I'm the kid who hit you on the head.
- Willie Nelson: With a rake?
- Bobby Hill: No with a golf club.
- Willie Nelson: I want my quarter back!