- Onslow: [from an upstairs window] You've woken the dog!
- Richard Bucket: Morning, Onslow.
- Hyacinth: Don't say good morning to him when I've just been savaged by his dog.
- Onslow: Less noise, you daft bitch. And that goes for you as well, dog.
- Onslow: Here, have you had a well-polished car through here, driver looking shell-shocked? Woman with a big hat?
- The Car Park Attendant: She was murder.
- Onslow: That's the one.
- [first lines]
- Hyacinth: Of course, I ought to visit Daddy.
- Richard Bucket: Oh, really?
- Hyacinth: It's my duty to visit Daddy.
- Richard Bucket: I suppose it is.
- Hyacinth: Have you ever known me shirk my duty?
- Richard Bucket: Not a single shirk.
- Richard Bucket: Will Rose be all right?
- Onslow: Rose'll be fine. Rose can handle wives. There's only one thing she handles more often and that's husbands.
- [last lines]
- Hyacinth: How was I to know that that was his Lordship? He looked like the gardener. He must be very low down on the aristocratic scale if he looks like a gardener. I think it's irresponsible. He's no right to look like a gardener.
- Hyacinth: Watch the lorry.
- Richard: Which lorry?
- Hyacinth: There you are, you see; you can't even see the lorry.
- Richard: Where is it?
- Hyacinth: Parked! Over there.
- Richard: Why should I watch a stationary lorry parked on the other side of a dual carriageway!
- Hyacinth: I don't think I like your tone, Richard.