- Onslow: I'll say this much for your Hyacinth, she leaves a lot of happiness behind her. It's such a relief when she's gone.
- Hyacinth: [in reference to Daisy's and Onslow's house] How can a place look like this 50 years after the blitz?
- Richard: [marching out of house to look for a job] I'm forceful and executive! I'm forceful and executive! I'm forceful and executive! I'm forceful and executive!
- Onslow: Listen, Daisy. When I promised to love, honour and obey, I didn't necessarily mean *every* Tuesday.
- [first lines]
- Hyacinth: Postman!
- The Postman: Ah!
- [he jumps, trapping his hand in the letterbox, but works it free]
- Hyacinth: I hope that's a first class stamp. I object to having second class stamps thrust through my letterbox. I should have thought postmen would be trained to recognize first class stamp houses.
- The Postman: It's not the post office puts the stamps on; it's the senders.
- Hyacinth: Oh, yes, of course, blame the public. Would you please inform your supervisor that in future I want my stamps adjusted upwards!
- Hyacinth: [on the telephone with Daisy] Daddy's gone naturist! Well, I think that's *wonderful* at his age. Yes, all that wholesome healthy food, plenty of roughage. Mmm.
- Hyacinth: Onslow's trying to get Daddy down from where?
- Hyacinth: Well, why would Daddy be up there?
- Hyacinth: Oh, he's not that kind of naturist. Well, what kind of naturist is he?
- Hyacinth: A *stark* naturist!