- Dennis Finch: Having sex with her would be like having sex with myself. I already have a guy to do that, and I don't even have to buy him dinner first. He-hey, woo!
- [offers a high-five]
- Elliot DiMauro: See? That right there, and this - He-hey, woo! - most women see that and - how can I put it? - run away, fast.
- Dennis Finch: But not fast enough. He-hey! Woo!
- Dennis Finch: Dude, what were you thinking?
- Betsy Frayne: What do you mean? A threesome is the ultimate.
- Dennis Finch: Yeah, when it's two girls and a guy. Your way is just weird.
- Maya Gallo: It's just a salary negotiation. It's not like it's the Paris Peace Accord.
- Nina Van Horn: Yeah, Kissinger I knew how to deal with him. Tickle spot, left ear, it's like biting into a warm brownie.
- Maya Gallo: You just need to not let him set the rules to the negotiation.
- Jack Gallo: Nina, could you come in here now?
- Nina Van Horn: No, Jack. I want to do it later.
- Jack Gallo: All right, we'll do it later. Suit yourself.
- Nina Van Horn: You'd like that, you sneaky little bastard?
- Nina Van Horn: Yes, I take a lot of time off, but always with a legitimate reason.
- Jack Gallo: Last year you've had 27 dentists' appointments.
- Nina Van Horn: I have diseased gums.
- Jack Gallo: 16 funerals.
- Nina Van Horn: Diseased friends.
- Jack Gallo: 104 trips to the hair salon.
- Nina Van Horn: Now those are legit. I mean, this doesn't happen by itself.
- Nina Van Horn: He played you like the shortest, dumbest fiddle in the whole building.
- Maya Gallo: You know, he just tricked you too. You're not so smart yourself.
- Nina Van Horn: Hey! Careful, Maya. Some things you can never take back.
- [Jack tricked Nina into taking a box instead of a raise]
- Maya Gallo: Nina, the box?
- Nina Van Horn: The only thing inside was this hideous picture of a hideous baby.
- Maya Gallo: That's me, Nina.
- Nina Van Horn: I should have known. Last year I got your hideous prom picture.
- Nina Van Horn: I may have gotten nothing, but at least I can go out that door with my head held high knowing that I earned it.