- Dennis Finch: Adrienne and I are getting married.
- Jack Gallo: Are you on the crack, boy?
- Dennis Finch: I'm serious. I love her, she loves me, so we're getting married.
- Elliot DiMauro: I think Jack asked you a question!
- Jack Gallo: I believe a toast is in order. To the bride, to the groom, and to God's warped sense of humor. First the duck-billed platypus, now this. I'm kidding, of course. Drink up.
- Jack Gallo: Enjoy it, son. There's nothing like the magic of marriage number one.
- Maya Gallo: Aw, dad, that's the nicest thing you ever said about mom.
- Jack Gallo: Good God, number one was your mother?
- Dennis Finch: Church of the Rising Star. Isn't that that cult you used to belong to?
- Nina Van Horn: Oh, please. A few people get together, shave their heads, turn their property over to a charismatic leader, and suddenly it's a cult.
- Dennis Finch: Can you do a wedding?
- Minister: Not without a groom.
- Dennis Finch: I'm the groom.
- Minister: No, seriously. Where is he?
- Adrienne Barker: He is, and I'm very much in love with my little wokkie.
- Dennis Finch: Wookie. What if it's an emergency?
- Minister: I can't because, one, it's my day off; two, you don't have any witnesses; and three, you've obviously made a pact with Satan, and I want no part of that.
- Dennis Finch: I'll give you 200 bucks.
- Minister: Well, let's do this puppy!
- Nina Van Horn: I've been going over it with the photographer, and either you wear platform shoes, or we have it outside and dig Adrienne some sort of trench.
- Elliot DiMauro: I think you shouldn't punish others just because you haven't had sex since the mid-'80s.
- Maya Gallo: Yeah? I think your IQ is in the mid-80s.
- Dennis Finch: Today is the proudest day of my life.
- Nina Van Horn: Aw, did you draw something we can put on the fridge?
- Dennis Finch: [hugs Nina] Oh, Nina. Always a delight.
- Nina Van Horn: All right, what did he put on my back?
- Adrienne Barker: Who's my tickle monkey?
- Dennis Finch: Me!
- Adrienne Barker: Who's my squirmy bear?
- Dennis Finch: I am!
- Adrienne Barker: Who's my little inchworm?
- Dennis Finch: Honey, I'm not too crazy about that one.
- Jack Gallo: This calls for a celebration.
- Nina Van Horn: hey, let's go downstairs and get bombed.
- Jack Gallo: Nina, it's ten o'clock in the morning.
- Nina Van Horn: I'm sorry, Jack.
- Jack Gallo: Let's leave quietly or everyone else will wanna come.
- Maya Gallo: Why do you keep your wedding albums at work?
- Nina Van Horn: I move out a lot, often in the middle of the night.
- Adrienne Barker: I like this one with the Arabian theme.
- Nina Van Horn: Ah, marriage number four.
- Adrienne Barker: Look, even the bridesmaids are dressed like harem girls.
- Nina Van Horn: Oh, no, sweety. Those are the sultan's other wives.
- Elliot DiMauro: I say Dennis is in love.
- Maya Gallo: I say he's just using her.
- Nina Van Horn: I say one more drink and we go shopping.
- Jack Gallo: I've forgotten how much fun having martinis in the daytime is. It just makes the whole afternoon fly by.
- Dennis Finch: It's 11:30.
- Jack Gallo: Well, this blows.