Joan of Arcadia (TV Series)

Drive, He Said (2003)

Michael Welch: Luke Girardi

Quotes 

• Joan : When... when do you plan on having sex?

  Luke : Oh, at my first opportunity.

• Joan : I'm not... pregnant.

  Luke : Then why was there a pregnancy kit in the bathroom? Because *I'm* not pregnant and I'm pretty sure Kevin's not pregnant, which leaves...

  Joan : Mom.

  Luke : Okay, I'm an expert on probability, and given factors such as Mom's and Dad's ages, birth control, and the average frequency of sex after twenty-three...

  Joan : [covering ears]  Ewwwww!

• Will Girardi : Hey, thank your boss for that great editorial.

  Kevin : What editorial?

  Will Girardi : Well, the one that called me a racist.

  Luke : I-I have heard you mention that Asians drive badly.

  Kevin : The editorial didn't call you a racist. It called your policies racist.

  Will Girardi : So you're familiar with it.

  Kevin : Dad, my job is to verify the facts for everything written on the op-ed page, and the facts check out.

  Will Girardi : Now my son thinks I'm a racist?

  Kevin : Policies, dad, not you.

  Will Girardi : I'm not defending myself to you.

  Kevin : Me, either.

  Will Girardi : I'm not a racist.

  Kevin : The facts checked out, dad.

• Joan : There's no water.

  Luke : That's the rumor.

  Joan : What about my hair?

  Luke : Wear a hat.

• Friedman : Why are you talking so fast?

  Luke : [caffeine buzzed]  Why are you listening so fast?

• Luke : [to Friedman; caffeine buzzed]  And you should hear what I'm not telling you, OK, so shut up!

• Joan : What are you? Some kind of Peeping Tom?

  Luke : It's not my fault I have a... naturally quiet tread.