How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)
The Wedding (2006)
Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson
Photos
Quotes
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Barney : You don't bring a date to a wedding, that's like taking a deer carcass on a hunting trip.
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[In MacLaren's Bar, Barney is hitting on Claudia, whose fiance just broke up with her]
Barney : Claudia, isn't it weird that we should... run into each other like this? Two souls, of equal levels of attractiveness, both fitting together like two pieces of a very... attractive puzzle.
Lily : [running up to their booth and grabbing Barney's ear] Oh, Hell no!
Barney : [being dragged by ear away from Claudia] ow, ow, ow, ow!
Lily : [angrily] Claudia is getting married tomorrow. And so help me God, if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her, I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles, and I will squeeze them so hard your eyes pop out, and then I'll feed them to you like grapes!
Barney : Wait! My eyes, or my testicles?
Lily : [momentarily confused, then:] One of each!
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Barney : Ted you may wanna find a new gender for yourself 'cause I'm revoking your dude membership.
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[to Ted]
Barney : Dude, the meter's running! Crap or get off the pot!
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Barney : I mean, seriously, Claudia and Stuart? I mean, I have hooked up with the odd lass who is beneath my level of attractiveness... but... you know, I was drunk. There is no way Claudia has been drunk for three years.