House M.D. (TV Series)

Three Stories (2005)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

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Quotes 

• Dr. Gregory House : I'm sure this goes against everything you've been taught, but right and wrong do exist. Just because you don't know what the right answer is, maybe there's even no way you could know what the right answer is doesn't make your answer right or even okay. It's much simpler than that. It's just plain wrong.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to the class]  His MRI showed that the leg pain wasn't caused by the self-injection. It wasn't caused by an infection. It was an aneurysm that clotted. Leading to an infarction.

  Dr. Eric Foreman : [to Cameron]  My God, you were right. It's House.

• Dr. Gregory House : It's a basic truth of the human condition, that everybody lies. The only variable is about what. The weird thing about telling someone they're dying is that, it tends to focus their priorities. Find out what matters to them. What they're willing to die for... What they're willing to lie for.

• Dr. Gregory House : Personally, I choose to believe that the white-light people sometimes see visions this patient saw. They're all just chemical reactions that take place while the brain shuts down.

  Dr. Eric Foreman : You choose to believe that?

  Dr. Gregory House : There's no conclusive science. My choice has no practical relevance to my life. I choose the outcome I find more comforting.

  Dr. Cameron : You find it more comforting to believe that this is it?

  Dr. Gregory House : I find it more comforting to believe that this isn't simply a test.

• Dr. Gregory House : It is in the nature of medicine, that you are gonna screw up. You are gonna kill someone. If you can't handle that reality, pick another profession or finish medical school and teach.

• Keen Student : We're supposed to know how fast snakes make their venom?

  Dr. Gregory House : Nope. Unless you've got a patient bit by one. Then it might be helpful.

• Dr. Gregory House : [House starts his lecture]  Three guys walk into a clinic. Their legs hurt. What's wrong with them?

  Dr. Gregory House : [the Keen Student shoots his hand up]  I'm not going to like you, am I?

• [House diagnoses the chronically sick absent professor] 

  Dr. Gregory House : [indicates mug]  And this guy is not the "World's Greatest Dad"." Not even ranked. Who the hell lets their kids play with lead-based paint? That's why he's always sick. Find him some plastic cups and the class is all his again.

• Stacy Warner : Did you think I wasn't going to get married?

  Dr. Gregory House : Not to someone so poorly endowed. This guy's pancreas is pathetic.

• Rebellious Student : The patient's an idiot.

  Dr. Gregory House : [knowing snicker]  They usually are.

• Dr. Gregory House : You know what's worse than useless? Useless and oblivious.

• Stacy Warner : God, you're an idiot!

  Dr. Gregory House : I think I'm more of a jerk.

• Stacy Warner : Morphine will kill you.

  Dr. Gregory House : I can handle it.

  Stacy Warner : You're in pain, you're not thinking right!

  Dr. Gregory House : [shouts]  That's why I need the damn morphine!

• Dr. Gregory House : Okay, that's enough about the volleyball player. What's up with the farmer?

  Dr. Eric Foreman : [the Ducklings shoot a clueless look at him]  What farmer?

  Dr. Gregory House : Snakebite guy.

  Dr. Gregory House : [pause]  Oh, right, you guys don't know about him. He doesn't get bitten until three months after we treat the volleyball player. Luckily, it's been well established that time is not a fixed construct.

• Dr. Gregory House : It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what.