- Dr. Allison Cameron: Why would you need $5,000?
- Dr. Robert Chase: Bad night at poker or a great night with a hooker.
- Dr. Gregory House: Thank you for saving me the trouble of deflecting that personal question with a joke.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: You have no evidence to support a poisoning diagnosis.
- Dr. Gregory House: Which is why it's going to be so cool when I turn out to be right.
- [last lines]
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Why does he hate seeing his parents? So his dad tells the truth, he can't handle that?
- Dr. James Wilson: He hates being a disappointment.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: He's a doctor. World famous! How disappointed can they be?
- Dr. James Wilson: You know what I figure is worse than watching your son become crippled? Watching him be miserable.
- Dr. James Wilson: We're discussing your new patient.
- Dr. Gregory House: Must be a boring discussion, seeing that I haven't accepted a new patient.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Wilson] You bastard. You invited my parents to dinner.
- Dr. James Wilson: Geez, Cameron's got a big mouth!
- Dr. Gregory House: Ha, not as big as yours!
- Dr. Allison Cameron: You're not curious?
- Dr. Robert Chase: I'm curious about crocs, but I don't stick my head in their mouths.
- John House: Last I checked, you still have two legs.
- Dr. Gregory House: [holds up cane] Actually, three.
- John House: You know what your problem is, Greg?
- Dr. Gregory House: Shifting gears?
- [first lines]
- Ken Hall: I ought to have this framed. My last bill from Princeton.
- Carnell Hall: And I thought we were celebrating the fact that I actually graduated.
- Ken Hall: I always knew you'd be able to graduate. What I didn't know was whether I would be able to pay for it.
- Dr. Gregory House: Well, there's the fever that Cameron was looking for.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: We knew if it was myelitis there had to be an -itis. This must be the infection that set it off.
- Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. Except in this universe effect follows cause. I've complained about it, but...
- Dr. Gregory House: [to an EMT who has just tried to give instructions] You wanted to be a doctor, maybe you should have buckled down a little more in high school
- EMT: Bite me.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: What's with the jacket?
- Dr. Gregory House: It keeps me warm and cool. How does it know?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: [after House gets off the phone] Who was that?
- Dr. Gregory House: Angelina Jolie. I call her mom. Who thinks that's sexy?
- Dr. Gregory House: [hearing serious news about patient on phone] Check it again. I'll be right there.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: What happened?
- Dr. Gregory House: Apparently I can save money by switching to another long-distance carrier.
- Dr. Gregory House: He lied to his son about how his mom died?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: He was just protecting him.
- Dr. Gregory House: Manipulating him.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: It's what parents do.
- Dr. Gregory House: They lie to us because they love us. Who's getting teary?
- Dr. Gregory House: [about the patient and his father] Are these people completely incapable of telling the truth to each other?
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Ken] You lied.
- Ken Hall: What are you talking about?
- Dr. Gregory House: Oh, yeah. Of course in this family, probably need more specifics. You told us you owned a construction company, not a salvage yard.
- Ken Hall: I know the way things work. The better my job, the better my son gets treated.
- Dr. Gregory House: Right. That's why I'm mad. 'Cause we wasted all that filet mignon on you.
- Ken Hall: [about Carnell] I gave him an early graduation gift. Old plumb I found. Looks like a fishing weight. Put it on a keychain so he'd always remember where he came from.
- Dr. Gregory House: So he can lie about it later.