Home Improvement (TV Series)
Haunting of Taylor House (1992)
Tim Allen: Tim Taylor
Quotes
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Tim : Well, although we all can't be as spooky as Al, we can carve some pretty good jack o'lanterns.
Al : That's right; as the audience can see, I'm all finished with mine.
[he turns it on, and it's a picture of Bob Vila; the audience applauds]
Tim : Yeah, yeah; well, I could spend long boring hours chiseling it out with these, or I could put some excitement into the pumpkin-carving process - I would use what?
Crowd : MORE POWER!
Tim : You're darn right, more power; I've already chunked and chiseled this baby out, and now all I need is a small explosion to knock the pieces out.
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Danny : [Tim is dressed as Nana-stein, a creepy old woman] This is pathetic. You're in a dress, your son is a doll, and your wife is a radish.
Jill : Hey, I'm a carrot. Learn your vegetables.
Tim : Hey, lighten up; don't ruin this for everybody else, okay?
Danny : If you built this, it's all gonna fall apart anyway. I've seen your show. It ought to be called Fool Time.
Tim : [after pause] You know, making fun of Nana-stein's favorite show is not a good idea, son. Why don't you check out Nana's tool box.
Danny : Oh ho, a tool box. I'm scared. What's gonna happen? Is a wrench gonna pop out and say, "Boo!"
Tim : I don't know...
Danny : [the tool box falls apart to reveal an upside-down bucket] Ooo ho ho, a bucket. I'm really scared.
[lifts the bucket to find Al's bloody fanged head]
Al : Grrr! Arrr!
[Danny screams in fright and runs]
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Tim : [after coming out of the basement, which he has decorated for Halloween] Well, honey, I don't believe we'll need to worry about the insurence salesmen for a while.
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Al : [unable to find Tim, who is hiding behind the set with a zombie mask on] Tim! Tim!
Tim : [in a gruff voice] Tim's not here.
[he comes out with the mask on, trying to scare Al]
Tim : Hey, Al, that's a good costume you got on; what are you?
Al : [dryly] I'm Al.
Tim : [shrieking to the camera] Ahhh, it's an Al!