The Golden Girls (TV Series)

The One That Got Away (1988)

Bea Arthur: Dorothy Zbornak

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : What we saw was not a UFO.

  Rose Nylund : Well, it wasn't a plane. Planes aren't that thin or that bright.

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Neither is Oprah Winfrey, but that doesn't make her a flying saucer.

• Blanche Devereaux : [laughing and humming, as in ecstasy, while eating cookies]  Ha, ha, ha... hmmm, hmmm... oooh... mmm, mmm.

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Blanche, are you in a good mood?

  Blanche Devereaux : Dorothy, you always could see right through me.

  Sophia Petrillo : Keep it up with those Chips Ahoy and Superman couldn't see right through you.

• Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : [Ham just rang the doorbell]  Blanche, will you calm down? I have never seen you so worked up over one date.

  Blanche Devereaux : Dorothy, I let this gorgeous man slip though my fingers once before, I don't intend to let it happen again.

  Sophia Petrillo : [Sophia opens the door for Ham, an overweight bald man]  You couldn't let him slip through your fingers now if you used a shoehorn.

• Sophia Petrillo : [in a card game on the lanai, Sophia doesn't play fair]  Look, Mr Finebaum's totally naked in his bedroom window.

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : [Rose looks where Sophia is pointing; Dorothy grabs the cards]  That is the third time we caught you cheating. Ma, you're out of the game.

  Sophia Petrillo : Hey, give me a break. When you're 80, you're allowed to cheat, just like you're allowed to take money out of your daughter's purse. Oops. Uh, was that the 'phone? Don't trouble yourselves. I'll get it.

  [she goes inside] 

  Rose Nylund : How did you know your mother was cheating, Dorothy?

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Because Mr Finebaum never walks around totally naked. He always wears a Boy Scout neckerchief. But never in the same place twice. Which is why there's no Mrs Finebaum. Deal.

• Rose Nylund : [Rose sees Dorothy looking through binoculars]  What are you doing, Dorothy?

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Oh... looking up at the stars... pondering the universe.

  Rose Nylund : I've been doing the same thing... thinking how wonderful it would be if there really were aliens... maybe it'd be just like Cocoon... they'd take us away... and we'd never grown old...

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : See, I don't know. I like my life. I mean - I'm not president or anything, I'm just a teacher... a substitute teacher... a divorced substitute teacher... who can't even afford her own place to live - BEAM ME UP!

• [Major Barker is visiting the house, looking into Rose's report of seeing a UFO] 

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Rose is the only one here who thinks she saw a UFO.

  Major Barker : I understand, Miss Zbornak. By the way is that Miss Zbornak or Mrs? I'm hoping it's Miss.

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Why, yes!

  [slinks over and sits next to him on the couch] 

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : As a matter of fact it is!

  Major Barker : Good! I've already got that box checked on this form.

• Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Rose, there is no such thing as a U.F.O.

  Rose Nylund : They were probably looking for someone to bring up to the ship.

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Fine, then you stay out here, flag them down if they fly by again. I'll go inside and pack a bag.

  Rose Nylund : But I want to be the one to go!

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Whose bag do you think I'm going to pack?

• Rose Nylund : [Dorothy and Rose are playing cards on the lanai, when something bright flies overhead]  Did you see that, Dorothy? That was a UFO.

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Oh, Rose, don't be ridiculous. It was a plane. Deal, come on.

  Rose Nylund : Planes don't fly over residential neighborhoods.

  Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak : Neither do UFOs. They only fly over empty fields in Kentucky, where fat guys in overalls named Cooley have just run out of gas.