- George Devereaux: Blanche, that's Sonny Bono! He's a major television star.
- Blanche Devereaux: Boy, you have been gone a long time!
- Blanche Devereaux: I'm back to my old self, Blanche Devereaux has returned.
- Sophia Petrillo: Oh boy. Strike up the gland...
- [she leaves the room]
- Blanche Devereaux: How rude. You'd think she'd feel sorry for me.
- Rose Nylund: To tell you the truth, I don't feel sorry for you either. I mean, why should I? My Charlie is dead, and nobody's giving me a second chance. Listen, Blanche, I know what it's like to have a husband suddenly taken. I never had a chance to say all those things I would have wanted to say. Well, you must know how that feels.
- Blanche Devereaux: Yes, but after what he did to me...
- Rose Nylund: Blanche, this isn't about getting even. For nine years you've been missing George. Well he's here, and I'm jealous of you. Tell him you love him, tell him you hate him, I don't care, but just see him before he leaves. Do it for yourself. Do it for all of us who wish we had the chance.
- Rose Nylund: Someone was actually able to deceive me once.
- Sophia Petrillo: Do tell, Rose.
- Rose Nylund: St. Olaf's most famous OBMAG.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: What's that?
- Rose Nylund: Obstetrician-Magician. The Amazing Shapiro. He delivered Bridget. But it was so confusing. "It's a girl! Now it's a dove... Now it's a glass of milk." I don't know how he got her in that deck of cards, but there she was right after the King of Hearts. "Is this your baby?"
- George Devereaux: Blanche honey, I staged my death.
- Sophia Petrillo: [eavesdropping from outside] He stained his desk?
- Blanche Devereaux: But George, I arranged your funeral. The eulogy. The flowers. I even watched them put you in the family mausoleum.
- George Devereaux: Well, what can I say, Blanche? Thanks.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: [discussing the fact that she has two celebrities - Sonny Bono and Lyle Waggoner - competing for her affections] I wanted to tell you sooner, but, well, I was afraid that you might not believe me.
- Sophia Petrillo: And why should we, Miss Junior Prom 1946?
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Ma, you promised.
- Sophia Petrillo: Dating the quarterback, she says. Buys her own corsage, spends the evening hiding in the basement, slow-dancing with a rake! Would have gotten away with it, too, but while she was giving herself hickeys with the vacuum cleaner, she stepped into a puddle.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: To most mothers, that would be a cry for affection. To you, it's just ammo.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: [Blanche is considering meeting her 'secret admirer'] I can't believe you're gonna do it. I mean, sure, the flowers are nice, but, honey, are you sure you know what you're getting yourself into?
- Blanche Devereaux: Oh, come on, Dorothy, how much trouble can I get into in a public place?
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Ahhhh, how soon we forget the Greyhound Terminal incident.
- Blanche Devereaux: [seeing George again, she apologizes for speaking ill of him just before she was told he was dead] Never thought I'd get the chance, but I'm just so sorry that my last thoughts of you were, 'I hate you.'
- George Devereaux: Well, honey, you always were fiery. I love that about you.
- Blanche Devereaux: There's more. Since the funeral, I've been with other men. Many, many men. I always felt like I was cheatin' on you.
- George Devereaux: Oh, Blanche, every day I was gone, I always wished you'd find somebody who could make you happy. How... how... how many men?
- Blanche Devereaux: Two.
- Lyle Waggoner: Yes, it's me, Lyle Waggoner. No autographs.
- Sophia Petrillo: No problem.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Ma!
- Sophia Petrillo: If this is true, I'm rooting for Sonny - you know, the paisan. Besides, there's something about this guy that just honks me off.