- Lorelai: Well, I can't take it back to Yale.
- Luke: I'm not storing your microbe mattress, forget it.
- Lorelai: Well, then I'm stuck here.
- Luke: Fine, because I need my truck back.
- Lorelai: Fine, but that leaves you with the mattress.
- Luke: I'm not taking the mattress.
- Lorelai: Then let me take the truck.
- Luke: But that means you take the mattress.
- Lorelai: I can't take the mattress.
- Luke: Then you can't have the truck.
- Lorelai: But that sticks you with the mattress.
- Luke: If you take the truck, it comes with the mattress.
- Lorelai: I can't take the mattress.
- Luke: Then you can't have the truck.
- Lorelai: And that sticks you with the mattress.
- Luke: We've been here before.
- Lorelai: I recognize that tree.
- Luke: If I give you my lawyer's name, will you leave?
- Russell Bynes: I will leave.
- Luke: Okay, ready?
- Russell Bynes: Yes.
- Luke: His name is Don Dewey. He works at the firm of Dewey ...
- Russell Bynes: Dewey.
- Luke: Cheatham ...
- Russell Bynes: Cheatham.
- Luke: ...and Howe.
- Russell Bynes: Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe.
- [pause; Russell scoffs]
- Russell Bynes: That was very immature.
- Luke: Went well. Tickled me.
- Russell Bynes: My bosses are going to want to hear this.
- Luke: Oh, come on. They've heard that one before. Oh, hey. If you want Don's number, it's 555-5555.
- Lorelai: Do you know how vulnerable you are to venereal disease?
- Rory Gilmore: All hail to the queen of the non sequiturs.
- Lorelai: This parent orientation I went to was a nonstop litany of the horrors awaiting college freshman. You're supposed to carry a whistle, a flashlight, a crucifix, and a loaded Glock with you at all times.
- Tana Schrick: Um, where are we going to put the couch?
- Paris Geller: Why don't you just...
- [Tana gets scared]
- Terrence: Paris!
- Paris Geller: What?
- Terrence: Three steps forward, two steps back.
- Paris Geller: But she was baiting me.
- Terrence: Fish can choose not to bite.
- Paris Geller: [calmly, to Tana] We'll figure it out.
- Lorelai: Tana, how old are you?
- Tana Schrick: Sixteen.
- Rory Gilmore: Sixteen?
- Tana Schrick: On Tuesday.
- Lorelai: Happy Birthday, Doogie.
- Tana Schrick: [happily] Thank you.
- Luke: Where's your mom?
- [Rory points to Lorelai, who is driving Luke's truck in reverse]
- Luke: What the hell is she doing?
- Rory Gilmore: She didn't know how to get it out of reverse.
- Luke: So she drove it in reverse all the way from her house?
- Paris Geller: So, do you like your adoptive parents?
- Tana Schrick: Yeah.
- Paris Geller: I think it's good to be adopted. If you get sick of them, you just dump this set and go find the originals.