Get Smart (TV Series)

The Return of the Ancient Mariner (1968)

Don Adams: Maxwell Smart

Photos 

Quotes 

• Maxwell Smart : Of course. The old drug his prunes, fake the fight, ransack the apartment and switch place with the Admiral trick.

• Chief : [Max and the Chief show each other their special agent badges]  Who wrote Little Women?

  Maxwell Smart : Lonely little men. Who do you love?

  Chief : I wanna to be loved by you, just you and nobody else but you.

  Maxwell Smart : I wanna be loved by you, you-ooh-ooh.

  Chief , Maxwell Smart : Boop-boop-bee-doo.

  Maxwell Smart : Good morning, Chief.

  [sits down on desk] 

  Chief : [sitting down in chair]  Morning, Max. I'll certainly be glad when the security alert is over. I spend half my time learning new passwords and countersigns.

• Maxwell Smart : Do we really have to be that careful just because the Chameleon is back in circulation?

  Chief : Max, the Chameleon is the most insidious agent KAOS has. Remember, he can make himself look and sound like anybody in the world.

  Maxwell Smart : Yeah, he's really terrific. He can even do Frank Gorshin.

• Chief : Max, aren't you going to say something to the Admiral?

  Maxwell Smart : Who wrote Little Women?

  Admiral Harold Harmon Hargrade : Louisa May Alcott.

  Maxwell Smart : Wrong.

  Chief : Max!

• Maxwell Smart : Hold it, Larabee. Who wrote Little Women?

  Larabee : Eh, the book or the picture?

  Maxwell Smart : It was a book?

• Maxwell Smart : [Max is not convinced 99 is really 99]  Well, we're getting married on Saturday morning, and I warn you: if I find out on our wedding night that you're really the Chameleon, you're paying for half the room.

• Maxwell Smart : [Max has asked Mr. Bob for some identification]  Are you kidding me? This picture doesn't look anything like you.

  Mr. Bob : That's my thumbprint.

• Larabee : 86, the Chief...

  Maxwell Smart : Hold it, hold it, Larabee. Who wrote Little Women?

  Larabee : The play or the TV special?

  Maxwell Smart : It was a play?

• Maxwell Smart : [looking in the mirror]  Alright, handsome, who wrote Little Women?

• Maxwell Smart : Wait a minute, 99, how do we know it's not the Chameleon? We don't know the Chameleon's first name and we don't know Mr. Bob's last name. He could very well be Mr. Bob Chameleon.

• Agent 99 : [Max is peeking through the front door peephole after a knock on the door... 99 enters]  Max, is that Mr. Bob?

  Maxwell Smart : I can't tell.

  Agent 99 : Well, is it a man or a woman?

  Maxwell Smart : That's it, I can't tell.

  Agent 99 : Well, that's him!

  [opens door] 

  Mr. Bob : [enters]  Hi! I'm Mr. Bob!

  Maxwell Smart : How do you do. I'm Mr. Max.