- Wanda: [sign] The Grateful Dead are alive and living in Beverly Hills.
- Maxwell Smart: [countersign] Simon and Garfunkel fell off the Tallahatchie Bridge. Agent 86.
- Wanda: I'm hip. Courier 12.
- Maxwell Smart: Did you get the information on the Groovy Guru?
- Wanda: Enough here for the fuzz to peel and freeze.
- Maxwell Smart: Huh?
- Wanda: Square city. You know, enough to put him away for life.
- # 99: Max, the lie pill. You took a lie pill!
- Maxwell Smart: I did not.
- # 99: All right, would you like to kiss me right now?
- Maxwell Smart: Yes I would.
- [puckers his lips]
- # 99: [now completely convinced] You took a lie pill.
- [kisses him anyway]
- Maxwell Smart: You're wasting your time, Guru. I've trained my mind to go completely blank any time I want it to.
- # 99: [dancing to the Sacred Cow's hypnotic groove] That's right, he can do that!
- Chief: What if they torture you?
- Maxwell Smart: [distracted by Dr. Steele] Oh, torture. Well, I can stand the pain if they can stand the screams.
- Dr. Steele: [practicing her high kicks] You know, I don't believe the Guru uses torture. It's my theory that he's developed a subtle but incredibly effective method of extracting information. That's why I invented those pills that make you lie. I call them my 'Gay deceivers'.
- Maxwell Smart: Don't tell me you pulled the plug?
- # 99: I pulled the plug, Max.
- # 99: [before Max can say his catchphrase] You asked me not to tell you that, didn't you?