- Maxwell Smart: [Cowboy has jumped from a window, certain there is a KAOS truck full of matrasses waiting for him below] Missed it by that much.
- Maxwell Smart: Now remember doctor, I want you to wipe everything from your memory.
- Dr. Fish: Wipe everything from my memory. Eh... even my twelve dollars?
- Maxwell Smart: Especially your twelve dollars.
- Mrs. Dawson: Do you know what time it is, Mr. Smart?
- Maxwell Smart: [thinking she has a sprained ankle] Yes, but I knew that you'd still be up with your ankle.
- Mrs. Dawson: I'm rarely up without it.
- Maxwell Smart: Now eh, I hope you didn't have to walk all the way to the door.
- Mrs. Dawson: No, I took a bus from the living room.
- Maxwell Smart: [the Cowboy is about to jump out of a window] Don't be a fool. It's five stories straight down to a hard pavement.
- Cowboy: I'm in a hurry.
- Maxwell Smart: Oh. Well, that is the quickest way down.
- Maxwell Smart: [having just learned the Chief's real first name] Thaddeus? Sorry about that, Chief...
- Maxwell Smart: Listen, I once knew a guy who had a knife in his heart, and lived, for 15 years! Would you believe it? 15 years!
- Cowboy: That's hard to believe.
- Maxwell Smart: Would you believe 15 minutes?
- Cowboy: I don't think so.
- Maxwell Smart: How about a pin in his nose?
- Cowboy: You're just trying to cheer me up.
- Maxwell Smart: [talking to the Chief on his plant phone] Hello Chief? Max. Eh, listen chief, you know that dead cowboy I told you about?
- Maxwell Smart: [pause] Yeah, well, he's dead again.
- Maxwell Smart: [another pause] That's not nice, Chief.
- Maxwell Smart: Mr. Ambassador, they're trying to kill you. The dead cowboy told me.
- [pointing his finger at the Ambassador's chest for emphasis]
- Maxwell Smart: They killed him twice!
- Maxwell Smart: Well, your honor, my case is complete. This is your villain. This is your culprit
- [the Cowboy draws a gun]
- Maxwell Smart: and this is his gun.