- Chief: Max, this job calls for an agent with high intelligence, sharp judgement and total fearlessness.
- Maxwell Smart: [flattered] Well, ok Chief, if you put it that way...
- Chief: Unfortunately I can't spare 99 right now.
- Chief: Oh and Max, remember: both Joshua and the Baron are ruthless, cold blooded killers. From the minute you set foot in that hotel you'll be facing constant, extreme danger.
- Maxwell Smart: And... loving it.
- Cigarette Girl: What do you think you're doing?
- Maxwell Smart: Well, I'm looking for my silver dollar. You gave me the wrong one.
- Cigarette Girl: What's the difference? A dollar's a dollar.
- Maxwell Smart: Well mine is a very special silver dollar. Oh. Here it is.
- Cigarette Girl: How can you be sure it's yours?
- Maxwell Smart: Eh... yes, well it has my name on it.
- Cigarette Girl: Oh is that so? Well, what's your name?
- [grabs dollar to examine it]
- Cigarette Girl: Eh.. 'E plurabis unum'
- Cigarette Girl: Wizeguy...
- [puts dollar between her cleavage]
- Maxwell Smart: [Max's life has just been saved by the Cigarette girl] It's you. I don't think I understand.
- Cigarette Girl: [speaking with a man's voice] My name is Charlie Watkins, Control West.
- Carlson: Now, this on the surface appears to be nothing more than an American cheese sandwich. However...
- [opens the sandwich]
- Maxwell Smart: Are you kidding... a telephone! Why, that's fantastic.
- Carlson: Thank you.
- Maxwell Smart: Eh, does it come in any other colors?
- Carlson: Just basic black. But it does come in different sandwiches: egg salad, peanut butter and an imported liverworst.
- Frank Lloyd Joshua: [referring to Maxwell Smart] If that man is who I think he is, you got get rid of him.
- Carlos: You know how I hate to fire anyone. Couldn't I just kill him?
- Maxwell Smart: Don't move, Joshua. This hammer happens to be a 45 caliber pistol.
- Frank Lloyd Joshua: So is this wrench.
- Maxwell Smart: Oh really? Carlson is gonna feel terrible about this...