- Maxwell Smart: Where's the Cone of Silence?
- Agent 99: Max, we've leased it to the CIA.
- Maxwell Smart: But that's ridiculous!
- Chief: It's just for a short time. I'm sure Congress will reconsider our budget cut.
- Agent 99: Well, why doesn't Congress cut the CIA's budget?
- Maxwell Smart: How can they? Nobody knows what their budget is.
- Page: Attention: Mister Buck Henry please claim your poodle at baggage counter. Mister Buck Henry your poodle is waiting.
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: I am Maxwell Smart, secret agent 86 of Control. I've been assigned to protect you.
- Trinka: You seem familiar.
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: Yes, well, I've been guarding you ever since you got through the iron curtain.
- Trinka: Of course. You were on the plane with me. You were the man seated across the isle reading a magazine.
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: No.
- Trinka: The man behind me with the dark glasses and the moustache?
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: No.
- Trinka: But I'm sure I saw you on the plane.
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: I was the stewardess who fluffed your pillow.
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: W Street, corner of 34.
- Agent 34: [moonlighting as a cabdriver] Oh, you want Control secret headquarters.
- Mrs. Weatherly: Are you Mr. Smart, the private eye?
- Maxwell Smart - Private Eye: [impersonating Bogey] You said what?
- Mrs. Weatherly: I'd like to talk to you Mr. Smart.
- Mrs. Weatherly: All right, start talking.
- Mrs. Weatherly: Alone.
- Maxwell Smart - Private Eye: [to 99] Get out.
- Maxwell Smart - Private Eye: [99 gives him a surprised look] ...Sweetheart.
- 99: [99 throws down a pencil and starts to leave] I'll be in the outer office. If you need me... just whistle.
- Mr. Peter: Miss Trinka is a worrier. And she would only worry if she knew that we were worried.
- Maxwell Smart - Private Eye: Don't give it another thought, gentlemen. I wouldn't want Trinka to worry that you were worried that she was worried. So don't worry.
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: [opens car trunk] We're here, Miss Markoff.
- Trinka: [hiding in the trunk of Max' car] What took so long?
- 99: Max had to make sure you were safe.
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: Yes, that's why I drove around town for three hours. No one could have possibly followed us here.
- [Four KAOS agents break cover and start shooting]
- Maxwell Smart - Private Eye: The old Wilbur in the drape trick.
- Wilbur: Get 'em up!
- [Max and Trinka raise their arms]
- Wilbur: [wearing extremely thick glasses] Are they up?
- Maxwell Smart - Private Eye: It's alright if I have a last drink, Isn't it?
- Mr. Peter: Of course. A man like you should die gallantly.
- Maxwell Smart - Private Eye: That's the way I always die, fat man.