Get Smart (TV Series)

Is This Trip Necessary? (1969)

Don Adams: Maxwell Smart

Quotes 

• Dr. Jarvis Pym : [about to swallow a deadly poison hidden in a secret compartment in his ring]  Well, goodbye, Mr and Mrs Smart.

  Maxwell Smart : Not so fast, Pym. Observe.

  [opens secret compartment in his ring] 

  Dr. Jarvis Pym : What's that?

  Maxwell Smart : Anti-Sodium Calcium Chloride. If you take that Sodium Calcium Chloride, I'll shove this down your throat. Not the ring, the powder. And you'll be alive again.

  Dr. Jarvis Pym : That's very clever of you, Mr. Smart, but I was prepared. Observe again:

  [opens secret compartment in another ring] 

  Dr. Jarvis Pym : Pro-Anti-Sodium Calcium Chloride. If you bring me back to life, I shall take this and then I shall be permanently disposed of.

  Maxwell Smart : Temporarily permanently disposed of.

  [opens secret compartment on yet another ring] 

  Maxwell Smart : You know what's in here?

  Dr. Jarvis Pym : No.

  Maxwell Smart : Oh, that makes two of us. What in here, 99?

  Agent 99 : Anti-pro-anti-Sodium Calcium Chloride. If you take Sodium Calcium Chloride and Max brings you back to life with Anti-Sodium Calcium Chloride and you decide to destroy yourself again with Pro-Anti-Sodium Calcium Chloride, Max will bring you back to life again with Anti-Pro-Anti-Sodium Calcium Chloride.

  Dr. Jarvis Pym : Well, that's easy enough for you to say. I've run out of rings.

  Maxwell Smart : Well I'm glad to hear that, it was my turn next.

• Maxwell Smart : Well, I guess Jarvis Pym will get his fifty million dollars.

  Chief : But that's blackmail, Max, you know what happens when you pay off a blackmailer?

  Maxwell Smart : He gives you a receipt?

  Chief : No, he comes back the next day and asks for more money. Besides, we have no guarantee that if we pay the fifty million, Pym will destroy the drug.

  Maxwell Smart : Yes we do, if he gives us a receipt.

• Maxwell Smart : Of course! The old pestle in the mortar trick.

  Dr. Jarvis Pym : No, the old mortar in the mortar trick.

• Dr. Jarvis Pym : Observe.

  [opens secret compartment in his ring] 

  Dr. Jarvis Pym : Sodium Calcium Chloride, do you know what that is?

  Maxwell Smart : An artificial sweetener?

  Dr. Jarvis Pym : No, it's the second most deadly poison in the world.

  Maxwell Smart : What's the first?

  Dr. Jarvis Pym : Artificial sweetener.

• Chief : Just don't get caught. Capture would mean certain death.

  Maxwell Smart : Suicide mission, huh chief? Well, you've picked the right man.

  Chief : I hope so.

  Maxwell Smart : You hope what, that you picked the right man or that it's a suicide mission?