- Badeff: You like that, Mr. Wilcox? Are you certain you're a music lover?
- Maxwell Smart: Well, of course I am. Why, do you know that I once listened to 3 straight weeks of Beethoven? Would you believe it? 3 weeks of Beethoven!
- Badeff: I find that hard to believe.
- Maxwell Smart: Would you believe 2 weeks of Bach?
- Badeff: I don't think so.
- Maxwell Smart: How about an hour of Looney Tunes?
- Maxwell Smart: I may never get to play with the Philharmonic, but on the other hand...
- Chief: Yes?
- Maxwell Smart: Is Leonard Bernstein licensed to kill?
- Maxwell Smart: Is Rudolph Hubert a regular Control agent who became a concert violinist, or is it the other way around?
- Chief of Control: No, he's always been a control agent but his talent as a violinist has given him a perfect cover. And it gives him access to places where our other agents couldn't get in.
- Maxwell Smart: Gee, that's the glamorous end of the business, Chief. Too bad I flunked out of spy music school.
- Wolenska: Don't touch my hands! They belong to the world... If you must touch me, don't ever touch me below the elbow!
- Agent 44: [Agent 44 is stationed upside down in a cello case] Hey 86, you know, I'm getting tired of these assignments. The blood's been rushing to my head all day. I had an awful time digesting my dinner.
- Maxwell Smart: Anything I can do for ya?
- Agent 44: Just one thing. Could you pick up the loose change from the bottom of the case? It keeps falling out of my pockets.
- Chief of Control: Now, here is my plan. And I'm glad we're not in my office or you'd insist on our using the Cone of Silence.
- Maxwell Smart: Oh, I've already taken measures for that, Chief. I brought along the portable Cone of Silence, it was in my car.
- Chief of Control: At last we've broken the cultural arm of KAOS.
- Agent 99: This is going to be a real blow to evil music lovers everywhere.