- Maxwell Smart: That's right, 99. After all, Mr. Gaffer is still one of the best. He's my idol. Did you know that Mr. Gaffer once captured 10 killers armed with machine guns? Would you believe it? 10 killers with machine guns!
- Agent 99: I find that very hard to believe.
- Maxwell Smart: Would you believe 4 killers with knives?
- Agent 99: I don't think so.
- Herbert Gaffer: How about a mean little kid with a pea shooter?
- Herbert Gaffer: [glad to see the pigeon Smart is carrying in a cage] Aha, I see you've reached Control headquarters.
- Maxwell Smart: Yes, but it's been a long time since we received a message by carrier pigeon.
- Herbert Gaffer: Well, we're a little old fashioned here in Spy City, after all, this is a retirement home for secret agents.
- Maxwell Smart: Yes. Is this pigeon also retired?
- Herbert Gaffer: Not yet!
- Maxwell Smart: Well he should be, he couldn't find his way back here.
- # 99: [Max is browsing the book 'Birds of the USA] Did you find something?
- Maxwell Smart: Yes...
- # 99: What?
- Maxwell Smart: A yellow bellied sapsucker.
- Maxwell Smart: [86 and 99 are following a trail of footsteps that end in a pair of shoes] Look 99, he had another pair of shoes waiting.
- # 99: The old shoe switch.
- Maxwell Smart: Yes. That's the second time I've fallen for it this month.
- Maxwell Smart: [holding up Professor Booth's umbrella as a shield, but the bullets go right through it] Hey! I thought you said this was a shield!
- Herbert Gaffer: Well it is, but I just remembered: not against bullets.