- Maxwell Smart: You can't destroy Hymie, Hymie's my friend.
- Chief: Max, this friend just broke through my office door, smashed my desk to pieces, and almost strangled me with his bare hands, how do you explain that?
- Maxwell Smart: I said he was my friend, not yours.
- Phoebe: Why, I almost made a terrible mistake. I met a man who was warm and considerate and because I had a schoolgirl crush on someone else, I almost past him by. But now I know who I really love.
- Chief: You don't mean?
- Phoebe: Yes. Max, can you ever forgive me?
- Chief: Phoebe, I've known Max for a long while and believe me, I'm very... fond of him. But if it comes down to a choice between the two of them, please take Hymie.
- Hymie: The last thing I remember I was in the lab oiling my teeth.
- Maxwell Smart: Oiling your teeth?
- Hymie: I oil my teeth twice a day and see a mechanic every six months. I have a tendency to rust.
- Maxwell Smart: Hymie, where is my cigarette?
- Hymie: I put it in my pocket.
- Maxwell Smart: You put it in your pocket. May I ask why you put it in your pocket?
- Hymie: It was getting the ashtray dirty again.
- Maxwell Smart: [Max has been ordered to disassemble Hymie] Why I can't do that to Hymie, Chief, Hymie is my friend. Why, he saved my life once. He's like a brother to me.
- Chief: Max, Hymie is a cybernaut.
- Maxwell Smart: What's his religion got to do with it?
- Maxwell Smart: Will you stop cleaning, following me around and picking up, you're beginning to get on my nerves.
- Hymie: I'm programmed for neatness.
- Maxwell Smart: Well I'm programmed for sloppiness and that's the way I like it.
- Maxwell Smart: You think that I would resort to deliberate lies, deceit and disobedience?
- Chief, Kirsch, Phelps: Yes.
- Maxwell Smart: Well how about this...
- Maxwell Smart: Phoebe, I want you to forget about Hymie.
- Phoebe: But uncle Max, I think I'm in love with him.
- Maxwell Smart: But Phoebe, you don't know anything about him. You don't know anything about his background and believe me, it's a strange one.
- Phoebe: I wouldn't care if he came from a... junkyard.
- Maxwell Smart: Funny you should put it that way.
- Phoebe: Besides, a man's background is not important, it's what's inside that counts.
- Maxwell Smart: Would you be surprised...
- Maxwell Smart: Look Phoebe, I didn't want to tell you this but it's for your own good
- [checks if no one is listening]
- Maxwell Smart: Hymie is a cybernaut.
- Phoebe: Uncle Max, I'm ashamed of you. A person's religion doesn't make any difference.
- Maxwell Smart: Wait a minute, Kirch, you're talking with a foreign accent.
- Kirsch: I am not. I am speaking perfectly. As spy in Control I had foreign accent.
- # 99: But Max, I don't understand. I thought Kirch had complete control over Hymie.
- Maxwell Smart: He did, 99. But Hymie's programming for neatness was stronger than his programming for evil.
- Chief: My niece in love with a robot?
- Maxwell Smart: Well, it's not so bad, Chief. It could've been a washing machine.
- Maxwell Smart: Don't pay any attention to him, Phoebe. He's an electronics genius.
- Phoebe: Oh, are you in electronics?
- Hymie: No, electronics are in me.