- Benny: [to George II] Oh, hey, dude. How was your trip over here? Did you skitch on the bumper of a bus? Did you catch some mad air? Did you get all sad when you saw people your age driving by in cars?
- George Lopez: No. Do you get all sad when you see people your age being driven by in hearses?
- [George II tells George he's giving their father his kidney]
- George Lopez: Yeah, all those times we fought and I asked him if he wanted a piece of me. Now it looks like he's gonna get one.
- Benny: [after George II leaves] George, what the hell was he talking about? "See you at Thanksgiving"?
- George Lopez: Look, Mom, I decided to invite Manny and his family over.
- Benny: No. Hell, no. You know, it's bad enough you let that idiot back into your life. Why do you have to shove him into mine?
- George Lopez: Manny's sick, Mom. He's got kidney disease.
- Benny: Well, why didn't you say so? Of course Manny can come. This year, uh, when we go around the table and say what we're thankful for, let me go first.
- Max Lopez: That turkey looks like a pterodactyl.
- Angie Lopez: And how do you spell pterodactyl?
- [Max, unable to answer, is silent for a moment]
- Max Lopez: That turkey looks like a duck.
- Carmen Lopez: Hey, Mom, look at this antique charm bracelet Grandma Lydia gave me. She got it in Italy.
- Angie Lopez: Lydia, you shouldn't spoil the kids.
- Benny: Why not? She spoiled my marriage. She spoiled her son. Oh, look. The guacamole's turning brown just 'cause she's sitting next to it.
- Lydia: Angie, I just can't help spoiling these children. They are so adorable. And besides, having a FEMALE grandmother will be good for them.
- Benny: Lucky for you drag queens count.
- Lydia: Oh, Angie, this is so great. Two families coming together for Thanksgiving. What is the name of George's strange friend again?
- Angie Lopez: Ernie.
- Lydia: Ah, yes, Ernie. I will not sit next to him.
- [George is trying to decide whether or not to give Manny a kidney]
- Angie Lopez: So, what are you gonna do, honey?
- George Lopez: I don't know, Angie. I mean, he is my dad.
- Benny: No, he's not. I was your dad. I brought home the bacon, I gave you your first beer, I taught you how to shave.
- George Lopez: Yeah, all in the same day.
- George Lopez: [when Max is unable to sleep] You know what I do when I can't sleep? I just read some of Carmen's poetry. "If my tears could water the world, I..." Zzzz.
- [Angie is against George's decision to give his father a kidney]
- George Lopez: Well, I think I'm doing the right thing. I'm being noble, Angie.
- Angie Lopez: I didn't marry a noble man. I married you.