- Angie Lopez: I got you one of your favorite childhood idols.
- George Lopez: You got Eric Estrada?
- [goes outside]
- George Lopez: It's Pufnstuf!
- [hugs him]
- George Lopez: Oh you're all soft just like I knew you'd be!
- Max Lopez: [George is dancing with Pufnstuf] Is daddy drunk?
- Angie Lopez: No sweetie, he's just having his very first birthday.
- Max Lopez: I wish he was drunk, it would make more sense.
- George Lopez: Mom, do you know what yesterday was?
- Benny: Wednesday, and I know who the president is too, don't try that with me.
- George Lopez: Mom, think back 36 years from yesterday, think how you came to be called 'Mom'.
- Angie Lopez: What do you say to 12 friends, Spider-man, a few presents, and chocolate cake?
- George Lopez: No, 3 friends, no entertainment, one gift, and a baked potato.
- [Angie stares at him]
- George Lopez: What? We're bargaining, I'm starting low.
- Benny: George, if you expect a dog to bite you, you'll be happy if all he does is poop on your shoes.
- Angie Lopez: Happy Wednesday.
- Carmen Lopez: Oh come on, Mom, you know that's not what he wants. Crappy birthday, Dad.
- George Lopez: Exactly what is it we're celebrating? 'You're another year closer to death, have a tie'?
- Angie Lopez: I'm giving your father the birthday party he never had as a kid.
- Carmen Lopez: Why can't you just put on Moulin Rouge and dance around for him?
- Angie Lopez: How did you know about that?
- Carmen Lopez: Oh, don't worry, you're a great role model for me... my friends thought so too.
- Angie Lopez: That's it, no more sleepovers.
- Carmen Lopez: [busts into the bedroom while George and Angie are talking calmly] Mommy, Daddy, please stop fighting! You're going to drive me into the arms of a sympathetic gang member!
- Angie Lopez: [looks at her] Did your father put you up to this?
- Carmen Lopez: No... it's just hard to concentrate... and all this...
- George Lopez: [to Carmen] Okay, two things: You came in a little early... and I didn't believe you on the second one.