- Jason: So what's a key-senora?
- Carmen Lopez: It's a quinceanera, it's like a sweet 16 but you do it when you're 15 and that's when you officially become a woman.
- Benny: I did it at 14.
- Carmen Lopez: You had a quinceanera when you were 14?
- Benny: ...Okay.
- George Lopez: [watching the dancers for Carmen's quincaenera rehearse out back] Hmmm, I would've sworn I planted the gay dancers in the *front* yard.
- George Lopez: [to the crowd after Ernie reveals the factory's been cleared of 2 wrongful deaths in a crash] Great news! I didn't kill anybody!
- George Lopez: A man's supposed to be a hunter, a warrior, and the provider.
- Angie Lopez: Hunter? You couldn't even give the dog eye drops!
- George Lopez: If he looked away, I could.
- George Lopez: Why's Carmen making a dress?
- Benny: Oh, she knows you're going all out for this quinceanera, so she thought she'd save you a few bucks making her own dress.
- George Lopez: What're you talking about? We're not having a quinceanera, we can't afford it.
- Benny: Oh well that's not what Angie said... don't worry, your husband's working, you can afford it.