- Becky Katsopolis: Come on, stop teasing me. I'm a good cook. Remember that sausage and lima bean casserole I made? I called it my Sunday surprise?
- Danny Tanner: We called it our Monday surprise.
- Jesse Katsopolis: I was still getting surprised on Tuesday.
- Becky Katsopolis: Yeah, well, I bet you won't be getting surprised tonight.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Ow! Whoa. Ooh. Check, please.
- Principal Robolard: Mr. Katsopolis, the only way you're leaving here is in the back of a police car.
- Jesse Katsopolis: The police? Why?
- Principal Robolard: Trespassing, breaking and entering, grand-theft auto.
- Jesse Katsopolis: I didn't thieve it. I just lifted it.
- Principal Robolard: Okay, grand-lift auto.
- D.J. Tanner: Kimmy, this whole thing was our idea. We can't let Uncle Jesse take the blame for it.
- Kimmy Gibbler: Well, he doesn't want you to take the blame. You'll be kicked out of school. You won't go to college. Everything you've worked for will go down the drain.
- D.J. Tanner: 3DJ: Well, what are they going to do to him?
- Kimmy Gibbler: Shave his head, toss him in the clink and make him listen to his own singing. Poor sap. Oh, well. Let's go grab a burger.
- Principal Robolard: D.J., you had such a bright future. Why'd you do it?
- D.J. Tanner: Because I wanted to leave a legacy. You know, do something outrageous. I guess, for once in my life, I just wanted to show everyone that I had guts.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Well, you did, Deej. Coming in here, sticking up for me, taking responsibility... that's as gutsy as it gets.
- Principal Robolard: And as brilliant. That was the best prank in the history of the school.
- D.J. Tanner: Really? I thought you hated senior pranks.
- Principal Robolard: Well, the kids expect me to say that. I mean, what good is a prank if you think the principal approves?
- Joey Gladstone: [when he undoes his belt after eating Becky's meatloaf] That is about a four-notcher on the old belt, let me tell you.
- Michelle Tanner: Should I consider that an apology or a compliment?
- Stephanie Tanner: You should consider that a reason to stay single.
- Kimmy Gibbler: Deej, meet the answer to our prayers.
- [Duane walks in the room]
- D.J. Tanner: Apparently, we had a bad connection.
- Jesse Katsopolis: It's a good thing you got that prank done. It looks like it's going to pour.
- D.J. Tanner: Oh, my gosh. Kimmy, Robolard's car's on the roof.
- Kimmy Gibbler: I know, I can't get over it either.
- D.J. Tanner: With the top down. Kimmy, the interior's going to be destroyed.
- Kimmy Gibbler: This prank is turning out to be great.
- D.J. Tanner: Kimmy, the idea of the prank was not to ruin his car, just ruin his day. We've gotta get back there and put the top up. Wait, we can't. It's an automatic top and we'd need the keys. We're dead.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Maybe not yet. You know, I can hot wire the car, but we've got to hurry.
- D.J. Tanner: How'd you learn how to hot wire a car?
- Jesse Katsopolis: Uh... science project.
- Kimmy Gibbler: We gotta top this prank. I want to leave more behind at Bayview than a D average and a locker full of Odor-Eaters.
- D.J. Tanner: Hi. Kimmy, I have a great idea for our senior class prank.
- Kimmy Gibbler: I'm all ears.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Actually, you're all mouth.
- Jesse Katsopolis: [after Jesse is caught by the security guard while on the school roof] Come on, it was just a little prank. Where's your sense of humor? Apparently you had it surgically removed at a young age.
- Jesse Katsopolis: [as Jesse is waiting in Principal Robolard's office with the security guard] This whole thing is ludicrous. It's a travesty.
- [the security guard gives him a confused look]
- Jesse Katsopolis: Just raise your hand when I get to a word you recognize.
- Kimmy Gibbler: No, my sweetie, Duane just got a big plumbing job at the construction site next to the school.
- D.J. Tanner: Oh, wow, Duane, that's a lot of toilets to install. You must be really excited.
- Duane: Whatever.
- Kimmy Gibbler: Duane can operate that big crane. Right, sweetheart?
- Duane: Whatever.
- D.J. Tanner: Duane, is that all you say? Whatever?
- Duane: I guess.
- Kimmy Gibbler: Are you going to be a wimp your whole life? Don't you want to do something wild and unforgettable like your Uncle Jesse?
- D.J. Tanner: Of course, but...
- Kimmy Gibbler: Well, we have a crane, we have Duane, we have your brain. Hey, that almost rhymes.
- Duane: Heh. I guess.
- Michelle Tanner: What are you making for breakfast?
- Danny Tanner: Something to go. We're late.
- Michelle Tanner: But I want Belgian waffles, apple-smoked bacon and sourdough toast, lightly buttered.
- Stephanie Tanner: Yeah, and I want straight A's, world peace and Brad Pitt, lightly buttered.
- Danny Tanner: No buttered bread and definitely no buttered Brad.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Hold it a second, here. How come when I did the prank, you were gonna send me to jail?
- Principal Robolard: There's a good reason.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Yeah? What's that?
- Principal Robolard: I never liked you.
- Jesse Katsopolis: See, he never... why?
- Principal Robolard: Because you had the hair I wanted since I was a balding Boy Scout. And your hair's even gotten better while I've been stuck with this.
- [takes off his wig to reveal his bald head]
- Jesse Katsopolis: Oh, my, it's a wig.
- D.J. Tanner: Excuse me, Mr. Robolard.
- Principal Robolard: D.J. Tanner, what are you doing here?
- D.J. Tanner: Mr. Robolard, this whole thing was my stupid idea. I'm the one that put your car on the roof.
- Jesse Katsopolis: No, no, no, that didn't happen. She's just a wacky, crazy, college-bound student who's trying to ruin her future before she even gets there. Go ahead, I'm to blame. 1-800-BOOK-THEM. Go ahead, go.
- D.J. Tanner: Uncle Jesse, it's okay. It's my responsibility.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Oh, Deej, come on, please. Robolard doesn't believe you'd do something crazy.
- D.J. Tanner: Mr. Robolard, why would I be here in your office at night if I weren't involved in this?
- Jesse Katsopolis: See, she's taking this remedial shop class with old three fingers McGee.
- Principal Robolard: Mr. Katsopolis, that class is no longer offered at night. And since you left school, it's two fingers McGee.
- Jesse Katsopolis: I always knew one day some crazy devil-may-care maniac would surpass my prank. I am proud to call that maniac my niece. Hug me.
- D.J. Tanner: Okay, here it goes. We print up our own school newspaper with fake stories and switch it with the real one.
- Kimmy Gibbler: We have a school newspaper?
- D.J. Tanner: Of course. Where do you get your information?
- Kimmy Gibbler: The bathroom wall.