- Steve Hale: [after their attempt to each read half of a book failed] It's like ordering a pizza and then stopping after only six slices.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Yeah, or like... like only seeing half a movie. I remember I walked into Tootsie late once and I kept saying to myself, "Who's that UGLY woman?"
- Jesse Katsopolis: [after finding out Charles' father is abusing him] Oh, I gotta report this right now.
- Stephanie Tanner: Why?
- Jesse Katsopolis: Because... if I don't, I'm gonna go straighten him out myself.
- Stephanie Tanner: They took him away from his home? I never should've told you. Now he's gonna hate me! This is all your fault!
- Jesse Katsopolis: Stephanie, knock it off. Stephanie, listen. It's not my fault. It's not your fault. WE weren't the ones hurting Charles.
- Stephanie Tanner: Then why'd they have to take him out of his house?
- Jesse Katsopolis: They had to! He wasn't safe there.
- Stephanie Tanner: [on why she can't tell Jesse what's wrong] I promised I wouldn't tell, and you always taught us never to break a promise.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Yes we did teach you that, it's a good rule but here's the thing, all rules have exceptions to them.
- Stephanie Tanner: They do?
- Jesse Katsopolis: Absolutely, like the one about don't swim for an hour after you eat, I hate that rule; I mean yes let's say you have a big dinner with a steak and baked potato and sour cream, then yes an hour. But what if you eat a cracker? Here is where the exception comes in, I say eat a cracker, wait five minutes, boom, get in the pool, a peanut... eat the peanut and swim, there're all these, a whole range of exceptions.
- Charles: Look, the thing is my dad does hit me sometimes, but it's my own fault for ticking him off. Boy, did he really clobber me last week.
- Stephanie Tanner: You mean, when you came to school with that black eye and you said you walked into a door?
- Charles: Yeah. A door named Dad.
- Danny Tanner: Joey, look at this phone bill. $2.00, $6.00, $3.00.
- Joey Gladstone: Danny, I have never called a 976 number in my life.
- [Danny looks at him]
- Joey Gladstone: Okay. Once. I tried that dating service, but I stopped after I got my Aunt Frieda.
- Danny Tanner: [after meeting Charles] Maybe there *isn't* good in everybody.
- D.J. Tanner: What a brat.
- Becky Katsopolis: Somebody needs to teach that kid manners.
- Kimmy Gibbler: I wonder if he's got an older brother.
- Charles: [sees Danny] Hey, Steph, I see where you get your looks.
- Danny Tanner: Well, thanks.
- Charles: Yeah, I didn't say *good* looks.
- Danny Tanner: Steph, come here. I know Charlie might seem like a jerk, but, honey, there's good in everybody.
- [Becky walks by]
- Danny Tanner: Beck, can I ask you something? Remember, um, that guy we interviewed on the show a couple of weeks ago? Was it Tommy Bun?
- Becky Katsopolis: Oh, yeah. What a jerk!
- Danny Tanner: Yeah, he did charge over a million dollars on other people's credit cards. But, uh, do you remember later in the interview? He showed us a different side of himself.
- Becky Katsopolis: Yeah, he mooned us.
- Danny Tanner: Actually, before that. Remember, before he told us all that other stuff, he told us how he used to carpool. Of course, it was a stolen car. And he... he was fleeing the country.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Listen, I realize how hard this was for you. But the bottom line is, thanks to you, thanks to Stephanie, Charles' father can't hurt him tonight.
- Stephanie Tanner: What made his father so mean?
- Jesse Katsopolis: I don't know. I look at you girls, and I look at Nicky and Alex. How can anyone hurt their child?
- Kimmy Gibbler: [to Jesse and Steve, after DJ suggested they read A Catcher in the Rye] Or each of you could read half.
- [to D.J]
- Kimmy Gibbler: Hey, Deej, remember when Kathy Santoni and I split up Much Ado About Nothing?
- D.J. Tanner: Yeah. She read Much Ado, and you read nothing.
- Michelle Tanner: Oh, Stephanie.
- Charles: Oh, look. It's half a person.
- Michelle Tanner: You've got a bad attitude.
- Stephanie Tanner: What is it, Michelle? We're studying.
- Michelle Tanner: You're in big trouble with Dad.
- [Charles looks up]
- Michelle Tanner: Big, big, big, big, big, big, big...
- Stephanie Tanner: Okay, okay. I get it. What did I do?
- Michelle Tanner: You forgot to take the garbage out again.
- Stephanie Tanner: [cringes] Uh-oh.
- Michelle Tanner: Dad said he'll deal with you later. Just thought you'd like to know.
- [walks out]
- Charles: Well, I guess you're really in for it now, huh?
- Stephanie Tanner: Tsss, yeah. That's twice this week. My dad's gonna flip out on me.
- Charles: Well, you know what helps? Try thinking of a funny movie you like... like Home Alone or Roger Rabbit. That's what I always do when I'm getting it.
- Stephanie Tanner: Getting what?
- Charles: Well, you know, when your dad's pounding you.
- Stephanie Tanner: There's this kid in my class, Charles. His father hits him... bad. He really hurts him, Uncle Jesse.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Are you sure, Steph?
- Stephanie Tanner: Positive. He told me all about it. And he wasn't in school today. The teacher said he had another 'accident'.
- Stephanie Tanner: I'm not exaggerating, Dad. Nobody in school can stand this kid, Charles. He's a total obnoxitron.
- Danny Tanner: Oh, come on, Steph. How bad can he be?
- Stephanie Tanner: Bad. Fluffner, our class bunny, tried to *bite* him.