- Danny Tanner: [when Danny comes home from work and sees Michelle's baby clothes all over the living room] Whoa! What happened? What's with all the dirty baby clothes?
- Joey Gladstone: I'm sorry, Danny, but every time we tried changing her, she'd dribble or drool or spit up.
- Jesse Cochran: Your baby's a pig.
- Jesse Cochran: D.J., hey, has that tooth come in yet?
- D.J. Tanner: Nah.
- Jesse Cochran: That's okay. One less to brush.
- Jesse Cochran: Uncle Jessie doesn't want to play ballerina.
- Stephanie Tanner: Yes, he does.
- Jesse Cochran: No, he doesn't.
- Stephanie Tanner: Yes, he does.
- Jesse Cochran: No, he doesn't!
- Stephanie Tanner: [fake cry] Yes, he does.
- Jesse Cochran: How do you play ballerina?
- [Joey and Jesse had just changed Michelle's diaper in a very funny way]
- Stephanie Tanner: Not bad. But next time, try these.
- [shows them the diapers next to her]
- Joey Gladstone: Steph, why did you wait 'til now to give us the diapers?
- Stephanie Tanner: Nobody asked me.
- Danny Tanner: [when DJ goes missing] You lost my daughter? I went to work for seven hours and you lost 33% of my children?
- Stephanie Tanner: [to Joey and Jesse] Are you gonna cook Michelle?
- Joey Gladstone: We're changing her diaper.
- Stephanie Tanner: Oh, then how do you roast a turkey?
- Danny Tanner: Joey, would you mind warming up the baby's bottle?
- Joey Gladstone: No, not at all. Although with this particular baby, it might be simpler just to pour the formula directly into the diaper.
- Joey Gladstone: [talks in a baby voice when Michelle starts crying] Aww, Michelle, little baby-waby. What's the matter? Uncle Jesse, what are we gonna do?
- Jesse Cochran: First, we stop talking like a munchkin.
- Danny Tanner: Your mom was always so good at this stuff. I'd come home from work and everything would be perfect. DJ, how do you think Mom would have handled this?
- D.J. Tanner: She would have caught me before I moved into the garage. Mom knew everything I did before I did it.
- [stares off into space as Danny knows something is bothering her]
- Danny Tanner: What is it, honey?
- D.J. Tanner: It's just not fair! First I lose my mom, then Grandma leaves, and now I lose my own room. Everything just keeps disappearing.
- Danny Tanner: I know exactly how you feel, honey, and I know how much you girls must miss your mother. Because I miss her too... very much. But you've still got me.
- Stephanie Tanner: [walks to her] You got me too.
- Danny Tanner: You've got Michelle and you have your Uncle Jesse and Joey. DJ, we're still a family and right now is when we really need to stick together. So it's up to you: either you move back into the house or all five of us are moving into the garage, but nothing is going to break up this team.
- Danny Tanner: DJ, you're back.
- Jesse Cochran: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Vanessa's gone, the deal's off. I want my money back.
- Danny Tanner: What money?
- D.J. Tanner: The money Uncle Jesse paid me to move back in.
- Danny Tanner: That's your special way with children? You buy them off?
- Jesse Cochran: It works.
- Danny Tanner: Ah, Joey, buddy, this is the best: you're moving in.
- Joey Gladstone: Thanks, Danny. This works out so perfect. I move into a place with a washing machine on the exact day I run out of clean clothes.
- [Danny drops Joey's dirty clothes]
- Danny Tanner: [to Stephanie] This means you and DJ are gonna get to be roommates. Isn't that exciting?
- Stephanie Tanner: I can wear all DJ's clothes!
- D.J. Tanner: Do I have to share my room with her?
- Danny Tanner: Sweetie, it's gonna be just like having a slumber party.
- D.J. Tanner: Yeah, with only one guest who never leaves.
- Jesse Cochran: [when Jesse tries to get DJ to move back in the house] All right, I'll speak a language you understand. Five bucks if you move back in.
- D.J. Tanner: Fifty.
- Jesse Cochran: Ten
- D.J. Tanner: Forty-nine.
- Jesse Cochran: [surprised] A buck? You went down a buck?
- D.J. Tanner: Okay, it's back to fifty.
- Jesse Cochran: [to Stephanie] Why don't you go upstairs and play ballerina with your big sister?
- Stephanie Tanner: I can't. She moved out.
- Danny Tanner: Stephanie, honey, what do you mean she moved out?
- Stephanie Tanner: She's gone. She rolled up her crepe paper and took off.
- Jesse Cochran: [He and Joey try to change Michelle's diaper] Whoa, whoa, Joey, this is a living thing. You don't just stick it in a pot. Use a meat rack.
- Jesse Cochran: [He and Joey go check on a crying Michelle in her crib before changing her diaper] Shut up!
- Joey Gladstone: I'll handle this. I'm a comic. It's my non-pain job to cheer people up.
- [Impersonates Kermit]
- Joey Gladstone: Um, hi Michelle, it's me, Kermit the Frog. You don't wanna cry, do ya?
- [Impersonates Pee-Wee Herman]
- Joey Gladstone: Uh hi, it's me, Pee-Wee Herman. Ha! Do you wanna go to my playhouse, ha!
- Jesse Cochran: Look dj u know you want your own room but this not a prefect world I mean Bruce Willis has his own record deal.