Friends (TV Series)
The One with the Rumor (2001)
David Schwimmer: Dr. Ross Geller
Photos
Quotes
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Ross : It was no big deal. We... we said that... the rumor was that you had both male and female reproductive parts.
Rachel : What?
Will : That's right! We said your parents flipped a coin, decided that Rachel was a girl, but you still had a hint of a penis.
Rachel : Oh, my God!
Monica : You started that?
Rachel : What? You heard that?
Monica : Everyone at our school heard it!
Chandler : Everybody at my school heard it! You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?
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Rachel : [referring to Mrs. Altman, the fifty year old librarian Ross made out with in high school] There's a picture of her in the yearbook.
Phoebe : [everyone looks] Wow.
Ross : Hey, she didn't photograph well!
Chandler : Yeah, well, she was probably unfamiliar with the process having spent most of her life sitting for oil paintings.
Phoebe : So how did this happen? Did she lure you to an early bird dinner?
Ross : I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble and one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender... may she rest in peace.
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Will : [about how he hated Rachel in high school] It wasn't just me. We had a club.
Rachel : You had a club?
Will : That's right. The I Hate Rachel Green Club.
Rachel : O my God! So what? You all just join together to hate me? Who else was in this club?
Will : Me and Ross.
[points to Ross]
Ross : No need to point. She knows who Ross is.
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Ross : I'm back in the club!
Will : Yeah. Shall I call a meeting to order?
Ross : Is everybody present?
Will : With the exception if Tiktaka.
Phoebe : I want to join!
Rachel : Phoebe?
Phoebe : I'm sorry, but I never got to be in a club. I didn't go to high school. But three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour.
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Rachel : OK, listen to what Sean McMann said in my yearbook. 'Dear Rachel, you are a very nice person.' Not girl; person.
Ross : Rachel, I think you're reading too much into it.
Rachel : 'Dear Rachel, you are a very nice person. Sorry about your teeny weeny.'
[Will laughs at Rachel]
Ross : Look, what do you want me to do? You want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasn't true?
Rachel : Yes.
Will : Could you also tell them I'm skinny now?
Monica : Oh, me too.
Ross : Now look, I'm not calling anybody. Ok, it was like a million years ago.
Rachel : I don't care how long ago it was. You told people I was half and half.
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Rachel : The "I Hate Rachel Green Club"? Who was in this club?
Will : Me and Ross...
Ross : There's no need to point; she knows who Ross is.
Rachel : Ross! Who else?
Ross : Well, there was that exchange student from Thailand, but I don't think he really understand what it was.
Rachel : [to Monica] Did you know about this?
Monica : I swear I didn't know. Wait a minute; is that why the two of you used to go into your room and lock the door?
Ross : [ashamed] Uh, yes.
Monica : Gotta tell you; that's a relief.
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Monica : Well, there was that rumor about you making out with Miss Altman, our 50-year-old librarian.
Ross : [to Rachel] How did you know that?
Monica : What? So it's true?
Ross : [to Monica] No.
Rachel : Oh, yeah it is. I saw you going at behind the card cataloge.
Ross : Hey, what were you doing in the library?
Rachel : They had magazines!
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Monica : Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You've been through so much since then. And right now you've got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Can't you just let this go?
Rachel : She's right.
Ross : Yeah. I mean we are having a baby together.
Will : Hold on! You got her pregnant?
Ross : Yeah.
Will : Are ya getting married?
Ross : Nope.
Will : So you knocked her up but you're not gonna marry her. Dude!
[Wants to high-five but Ross ignores him]
Will : Anybody?
