Friends (TV Series)

The One with the Lottery (2003)

Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Buffay

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. Ross Geller : Although if we're gonna do that, we should probably call me "Daddy" too.

  Phoebe Buffay : [sexy tone]  Oooh, I like that, "Daddy".

  Dr. Ross Geller : I... I was just talking about Rachel.

  Phoebe Buffay : Oooh, is Daddy getting angry? Is Daddy gonna spank me?

  Dr. Ross Geller : [trying to be sexy]  Well that depends, have you been a baaad gi...

  [stops] 

  Dr. Ross Geller : no I can't.

• [the friends enter Monica's apartment, counting lottery tickets and looking disappointed, except Phoebe, who looks happy] 

  Phoebe Buffay : [quite pleased]  What a beautiful night to be running around the street looking for tickets... and the wind sure made it fun!

  Monica Geller-Bing : [as-a-matter-of-factly]  Phoebe, we lost half of them.

  Phoebe Buffay : [reasoning]  So what? Monica, we *have* the winning ticket! My Psychic said I was gonna win, remember?

  Dr. Ross Geller : [on the contrary]  Weird, your Psychic didn't mention anything about the scary pigeon.

  Phoebe Buffay : [defensively and then annoyed]  As a matter of fact, she that's how I'm going to die... so, excuse me for being a little skittish!

  Chandler Bing : [looks at the answering machine]  Hey, there's two messages. This could be from work!

  Monica Geller-Bing : [as Chandler goes over to the answering machine]  Oh, play them.

  Chandler Bing : OK. Here we go.

  [Chandler presses the button and the answering machine beeps once] 

  Answering Machine : [Phoebe's voice]  Hello. Th-this is the pigeon from the balcony calling to apologise.

  [Chandler, Monica, Rachel and Ross look at Phoebe, who calmly acts as though she has nothing to do with it] 

  Answering Machine : [Phoebe's voice]  I sh-I shouldn't have knocked the tickets out of the pretty lady's hand. It-it was all my fault. Not hers. Bye. Coo.

  [everyone looks at Phoebe, who calmly acts innocent] 

  Phoebe Buffay : [simply]  Well, I bet that was very hard for him to do.

• [last lines] 

  Joey Tribbiani : [meets up with the friends at Central Perk]  Hey guys, so I just called the Powerball hotline. Can you believe it? *Nobody* won.

  Phoebe Buffay : Um, I beg to differ.

  [Phoebe holds up a plate with two muffins] 

  Gunther : [passes by]  Maybe nobody won the *jackpot*, but there was this guy in here earlier, and he found a ticket on the street, right outside and won $10,000.

  [Gunther walks off, Monica sighs in disbelief and she, Chandler, Joey and Ross look at Phoebe] 

  Phoebe Buffay : [hides her mouth with her mug and speaks in a soft voice]  Coo. OK. Don't blame the pretty lady. It's not her fault. It was me, the pigeon. Coo.

  [Phoebe lowers her mug, sees that Monica, Chandler, Joey and Ross are still looking at her and hides her mouth again with her mug] 

  Phoebe Buffay : [soft voice]  Seriously, stop staring at her.

  [Joey looks around for the pigeon and Phoebe continues sipping her drink] 

• Monica Geller-Bing : [eagerly]  We need to sort through the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we've won! So does anyone have any ideas how to organise this?

  [Joey is about to answer but Monica suddenly continues speaking] 

  Monica Geller-Bing : OK how about this: We divide them into 6 groups of 40. The remaining 10 can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.

  Rachel Green : [raises her hand]  Ooh I have another idea.

  Monica Geller-Bing : [smartly]  I'm sorry. Idea Time is over.

  [disappointed, Rachel lowers her hand] 

  Phoebe Buffay : [checking the tickets in Monica's glass bowl]  OK. Well are *all* the tickets in the bowl?

  Monica Geller-Bing : Yeah.

  Chandler Bing : What about the ones you have on the nightstand?

  Monica Geller-Bing : There are no tickets on the nightstand.

  Chandler Bing : Yes there are. I just saw them a few minutes ago.

  [Ross silently gestures to Rachel to look in Monica's bedroom, which she does] 

  Monica Geller-Bing : [trying to sound innocent]  Ah... no you didn't. You must be mistaken.

  Chandler Bing : Honey, there were like 20 tickets on the nightstand.

  Monica Geller-Bing : [firmly]  Chandler, sense the tone.

• Rachel Green : [walks out of Monica's room carrying extra Lottery tickets]  Well! Well! Well! Look what Mommy found!

  [Phoebe, Joey and Ross gasp and look at Monica] 

  Monica Geller-Bing : [annoyed]  OK fine! I bought 20 extra tickets for me and Chandler.

  Phoebe Buffay : [gasps and points at Monica]  My psychic also said that I would be betrayed.

  Dr. Ross Geller : [disappointed]  I can't believe this. I thought we were all in this together.

  Monica Geller-Bing : [annoyed]  Hey! You just got in 5 minutes ago!

  Dr. Ross Geller : [very annoyed]  *Three* minutes ago! I don't know why that's important!

• Rachel Green : [to Monica]  All right! Believe me, if you win the Lottery, it's the last you're gonna hear from us!

  Dr. Ross Geller : [in agreement]  Hmm-mm.

  Monica Geller-Bing : [offended]  Fine! Don't be my friends! I'll buy new friends! Yeah! And then I'll pay for their plastic surgery so they'll look *just like you*!

  [Joey and Rachel gasp] 

  Rachel Green : [picks up the bowl containing the tickets]  All right! You know what? That's it! I want my share of the tickets!

  Joey Tribbiani : [takes the bowl from Rachel]  Yeah! I want my tickets too! And I'm buying the Knicks and Steffi Graf! Ha! Ha!

  Dr. Ross Geller : [grabs the bowl from Joey]  Then I want mine too and if I win, I'm gonna put it *all* in a very low yield bond!

  Phoebe Buffay : [gets up]  You guys, we gotta keep all the tickets *together*!

  [Phoebe takes the tickets from Chandler, then takes the bowl from Ross and puts the tickets in] 

  Monica Geller-Bing : [takes the bowl from Phoebe]  No! No! We should divide them up and I should get extra because we used *my* car to buy them!

  Joey Tribbiani : [angrily walks over to Monica and takes the bowl from her]  Hey! Hey! If anybody gets extra tickets, it should be me! This whole thing was my idea!

  Chandler Bing : [sarcastically]  Oh yeah! Thanks for *inventing* the Lottery!

• Rachel Green : [impatiently walks over to Joey]  That's it! Just give 'em to me and I'll split them up!

  [Rachel pinches Joey and takes the bowl from him, but Phoebe suddenly screams, takes the bowl from Rachel and starts running] 

  Dr. Ross Geller : [to Phoebe]  Hey! Hey!

  [Phoebe screams at Ross, who puts his fingers in his ears as she runs past him and stops near the window next to the secret closet] 

  Phoebe Buffay : [exasperated]  I can't take it anymore! I'm putting an end to this!

  [Phoebe runs to the window] 

  Rachel Green : [calls]  OK! If she jumps, I get her tickets!

  [Phoebe climbs though the open window onto the balcony as the friends run to the window] 

  Phoebe Buffay : If we're not doing this together, we're not doing it at all! Say goodbye to your tickets.

  [Phoebe holds the bowl over the side of the balcony] 

  Monica Geller-Bing , Rachel Green , Chandler Bing , Dr. Ross Geller , Joey Tribbiani : [stuck in the open window]  No! No! No! No!

  Phoebe Buffay : [warning]  Do not come any closer!

  Chandler Bing : Can I come a little bit closer? Valuable things are getting squished.

  Phoebe Buffay : [very firmly]  Now what's more important? Your friends or money?

  Rachel Green , Chandler Bing , Dr. Ross Geller , Joey Tribbiani : Friends!

  Monica Geller-Bing : Money!

  [everyone looks at Monica] 

  Monica Geller-Bing : [trying to look innocent]  Friends.

• Phoebe Buffay : [as-a-matter-of-factly]  And Monica, what about your extra tickets?

  Monica Geller-Bing : [protesting]  They're all in there!

  [Monica then takes more tickets from inside her shirt and offers them to Phoebe] 

  Monica Geller-Bing : Even these five that I hid in my bra!

  [the other friends gasp and Phoebe takes the tickets and puts them in the bowl] 

  Dr. Ross Geller : [shocked]  Monica!

  Phoebe Buffay : [firmly]  OK! Good!

  [Phoebe holds the bowl away from the edge of the balcony] 

  Phoebe Buffay : [suddenly happy]  You guys were so scared! There was no way I was gonna dump this...

  [a pigeon suddenly comes out of nowhere, flies right past Phoebe and startles her, causing her to drop the bowl over the balcony and it smashes on the street] 

  Phoebe Buffay : [simply to Monica]  I think I broke your bowl.

  Dr. Ross Geller : [as the friends move away from the open window and run out of the apartment]  Go! Go! Go!