- Dr. Ross Geller: Hey, where is everyone?
- Phoebe: Oh, its already closed. Chris gave me the keys to lock up. What is wrong?
- Dr. Ross Geller: My marriage, I think my marriage is, um, kind of over.
- Phoebe: Oh no! Why?
- Dr. Ross Geller: Because Carol's a lesbian... and... and I'm not one.
- Phoebe: [opens apartment door] No! Mr. Heckles, no one is making any noise up here!
- Mr. Heckles: You're disturbing my oboe practice!
- Phoebe: You don't play the oboe!
- Mr. Heckles: I could play the oboe.
- Phoebe: ...Then I'm going to have to ask *you* to keep it down!
- [slams the door]
- Dr. Ross Geller: [Ross and Phoebe are kissing] Wait, wait, wait, wait. My foot is stuck in the pocket. No I can't get it out.
- Phoebe: Well, that's not something a girl wants to hear.
- Dr. Ross Geller: Come on, don't start. Ow!
- Phoebe: What?
- Dr. Ross Geller: Stupid balls are in the way.
- Monica Geller: Honey, what's wrong?
- Dr. Ross Geller: [Saddened] My wife's a lesbian.
- Joey Tribbiani: [Amused] Cool.
- Chandler Bing: [Introducing them to each other] Ross, Joey; Joey, Ross.
- Chandler Bing: [Chandler and Monica are hugging, Monica's in a towel] This is nice.
- Monica Geller: It is, isn't it?
- Chandler Bing: I mean it, this feels really good, is this 100% cotton?
- Dr. Ross Geller: We'd be out and Carol would be like, "Ross, look at that beautiful woman," and I'd be like, "My wife is cool."
- Phoebe: Do you think that-Susan-woman is her lover?
- Dr. Ross Geller: Well now I do!
- Monica Geller: Get ready for me to whip your butt.
- Chandler Bing: Yeah, okay, but after that we're playing some pool.
- Janice Litman: Janice has a question: Who of the six of you has slept with who of the six of you?
- Phoebe: Its like a dirty math problem.
- Dr. Ross Geller: The answer would be none of us.
- Janice Litman: None of you have gotten drunk and stupid over the years?
- Joey Tribbiani: Well, that's a different question.
- Janice Litman: I find it hard to believe a group of people who spend as much time together as you do has never bumped uglies. I've got another question: Who of the six of you has almost?
- Rachel Green: [they all quickly get up] Can I get anyone more coffee?
- Joey Tribbiani: Hey, there's a dog out there!
- Chandler Bing: This actor guy, who I'm not sure about because when he called and I answered the phone "Chandler Bing", he said "Whoa, short message"
- [flashback scene, 1 year before the pilot]
- Phoebe: [looks through window] Cute Naked Guy is really starting to put on weight.
- Rachel Green: [to her friends] I just feel like I need one last fling, get it out of my system, I just want have meaningless sex with the next guy I see.
- Chandler Bing: [drops the pool ball] Excuse me, I seem to have dropped my ball.
- Rachel Green: Yeah, so?
- Chandler Bing: [picks it up] And now I've picked it up again.
- Joey Tribbiani: Don't you want to ask me some questions?
- Chandler Bing: What's up?
- Joey Tribbiani: I'm an actor and don't worry, I'm totally okay with the whole gay thing.
- Chandler Bing: What gay thing?
- Joey Tribbiani: You know in general, the whole "people being gay," I'm totally cool with that.
- Phoebe: I moved out.
- Monica Geller: What?
- Phoebe: I didn't tell you but everyone else knew. That's supposed to be a good thing. I forget why.
- Rachel Green: [Rachel shows Monica her engagement ring] What do you think?
- Monica Geller: Oh my God! You can't even see where the Titanic hit it.