- Chandler: [Chandler is helping Joey to come up with a new, more professional stage name] Joe... Joe... Joe... Stalin?
- Joey: Stalin... Do I know that name? That sounds familiar.
- Chandler: Well, it doesn't ring a bell with me...
- Joey: Joe Stalin... you know, that's pretty good.
- Chandler: You might want to try Joseph.
- Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that!
- Chandler: Oh yes! "Bye Bye Birdie" starring Joseph Stalin! Joseph Stalin is "Fiddler on the Roof"!
- Joey: [Later] You know, there already IS a Joseph Stalin?
- Chandler: You're kidding!
- Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people! You'd think *you* would have known that!
- Chandler: You know, you'd think I would have.
- Ross Geller: I just got back from the vet.
- Chandler Bing: He's not going to make you wear a cone, is he?
- Ross Geller: Apparently, Marcel's humping is not a phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity.
- Joey Tribbiani: [to Chandler] Hey, he beat ya!
- Joey Tribbiani: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
- Chandler Bing: I know this one. No, wait. That was popes into a Volkswagen.
- Fake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of 25 other women and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple circus?
- Rachel Greene: [ornery monkey getting frisky in Rachel's room] Marcel! Stop it, Marcel! Bad monkey!
- Ross Geller: What?
- Rachel Greene: Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.
- Ross Geller: [Looking at zoos to send Marcel] I have a friend who can get him into Miami.
- Chandler Bing: 'Course it's just two blocks from the beach, it's like a total party zoo.
- Rachel Greene: [offers her Curious George doll to ornery monkey] Marcel, this is for you. Just something to... do on the plane.
- The Teacher: [Monica has no dance partner] That's all right, you can come up to the front and dance with me.
- Monica Geller: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare?