Friends (TV Series)

The One Where Chandler Can't Cry (2000)

Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Buffay, Ursula Buffay

Quotes 

• Phoebe : You're trying to remember where you know me from? Alright, I'll give you a hint... FROM PORN!... Yeah - your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie.

• Ursula Buffay : [Ursula stars in a porno film]  At last, I've found you, Nosfera-tool!

  The Vampire : Phoebe, are you going plunge that stake into my dark places?

  Ursula Buffay : Actually, I was hoping it might be the other way around!

• Joey : [Joey thinks Phoebe has been acting in porno videos]  A guy in the coffee shop told me he was a fan of Phoebe's. I thought he was talking about her singing, but he claims she's a porn star. So I went to the adult video store, and picked this up.

  Ross : [taking the video]  Let me see that. "Buffay the Vampire Layer", starring Phoebe Buffay. Alright - let's check it out!

  Joey : Guys, Phoebe is our friend. I refuse to watch this!

  [Joey goes over and sits at the table with his back to the TV] 

  Ross : Wow! I didn't know Pheebs had that particular talent.

  Rachel : Wait a minute - Phoebe doesn't have a tattoo on her ankle! My God, that's Ursula!

  Joey : [jumping up and turning around]  Ursula? Alright! Run it back! Run it back!

  Ross : Boy, Phoebe is going to be pissed. Why is Ursula using Phoebe's name?

  Phoebe : [coming in the apartment]  Hi, everybody - what are you...

  Phoebe : [screams and points at the TV]  Ahhhhhhh! What am I doing?

• Phoebe : [watching "E.T."]  You know what's sadder than this? "Bambi". I cried for three days to that. No, two - 'cause on the third day, my mother killed herself, so I was partly crying for that.

  Chandler : See, now *that* I can understand crying over - but "Bambi" is a cartoon.

  Joey : You didn't cry when Bambi's mom died?

  Chandler : Yes, it was very sad - when the guy stopped drawing the deer.