- Rachel Green: Well, maybe they could find a way to bring you back.
- Joey Tribbiani: Nah, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor who could have saved me was me. It's supposed to be some kind of irony.
- Phoebe Buffay: Okay, which one is she?
- Rachel Green: That's Brad's widow.
- Phoebe Buffay: And why is she so upset?
- Rachel Green: Because she just found out she's cut out of the will.
- Phoebe Buffay: Doesn't she know you can't define yourself in terms of money? That it's about values and morals and your ability to give and receive love?
- Rachel Green: No.
- Rachel Green: Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean, you care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.
- Dr. Ross Geller: Oh hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea. Why don't you have Paolo over to have a romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock knock jokes.
- Rachel Green: Ross, look, what you and I have is special. All Paolo and I ever had was...
- Dr. Ross Geller: Animal sex, animal sex... so what are you saying? I mean are you saying that like there's nothing between us "animal" at all? I mean, there's not even like a little "animal"? Not even like, like chipmunk sex?
- Chandler Bing: [about Eddie] So, when I woke up this morning, he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes.
- Monica Geller: Why?
- Chandler Bing: Because he thinks I slept with his ex-girlfriend and killed his fish.
- Phoebe Buffay: Why would you kill his fish?
- Chandler Bing: Because sometimes, Phoebe, after you sleep with someone, you have to kill a fish.