- Frasier: That's it. I'm quirky. I'm delightfully quirky.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Do you realize that your delightful quirk has brought your life to a standstill?
- Frasier: Niles, I've just finished my two thousandth show. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. I believe that I am entitled to an entire weekend of doing nothing, don't you?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Do you know you have your pajamas on backwards?
- Frasier: Another delightful quirk of mine.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Not from where I'm sitting.
- Dr. Niles Crane: All right, I'll get the car.
- Frasier: I'll put on some pants.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Zipper goes in front.
- [during Frasier's 2,000th show]
- Frasier: Roz, what do we have next?
- Roz: It's time for another blooper.
- Frasier: Oh, well, I believe we're up to number four, as voted by you, the listeners. Here's what happened when a certain producer didn't realize her microphone was on, during the show...
- Roz: [on tape] Now what the-
- [beep]
- Roz: Is this? You call this a-
- [beep]
- Roz: Paycheck? How the-
- [beep]
- Roz: Am I supposed to live on this-?!
- [beep]
- Roz: I'm gonna have a little word with that-
- [beep]
- Roz: -damn station manager, walking around here like he owns the mother-
- [beep]
- Roz: -ing place!
- Kenny: [who's entered] Can't believe that wasn't voted number one.
- Daphne Moon: I'm the one who ruined his treasured collection.
- Martin Crane: Oh, all his crap is treasured.
- Martin Crane: But look, don't feel bad. I've broken lots of his stuff.
- Daphne Moon: I've never heard of you breaking anything.
- Martin Crane: That's because I know how to cover my tracks. Take a look at that fertility god statue over there. It used to be a lot more fertile, if you know what I mean.
- Daphne Moon: Oh my God! This is a Tootsie Roll! That's brilliant!
- Frasier: A Hall and Oates tape. That rules you out, Dad. And it definitely rules out Niles.
- Daphne Moon: [in tears] Dr. Crane...
- Frasier: Or does it? Perhaps the tape is just a red herring, meant to throw me off the scent. A psychological game. There's only one of you that would combat me on that level.
- Daphne Moon: I did it.
- Frasier: Ah-ha!
- Dr. Niles Crane: You can't say "Ah-ha". You thought it was me.