- Martin: Jeez, I though you were just going to slit your wrists. It looks like you went for death by a thousand cuts.
- Frasier: I cut myself because I was shaving without water. And why was there no water? Because I had to move your chair, which gouged the floor, which made me call for Joe, who found bad pipes, who called for Cecil, who ate the cat that killed the rat that lived in the house that Frasier built.
- Martin: Will you give me your cash? Both of you, come on! Hurry up!
- Frasier: Why?
- Martin: Never mind why, just hand it to me. Come on, be quick, Niles.
- Niles: [takes money out of wallet] Oh all right, do you want all seven hundred dollars?
- Martin: You carry seven hundred dollars in your wallet?
- Niles: Well, Maris asked me to stop by the drugstore later.
- Frasier: Look, I don't know what kind of twisted fantasy you've concocted about Daphne. I suppose it involves a comet hitting the earth and you and she having to rebuild the species! Well, trust me, Niles, it is not going to happen. She needs a man - one who can do more for her than just smell her hair.
- Niles: [about Daphne] She deserves a doctor, or a lawyer - someone for whom a T-shirt is an undergarment!
- Frasier: Niles, don't yell at me. If you were able to lift anything heavier than an emory board we wouldn't be in this position.