- Mother Buchanan: I'll never forgive the two of you for flying Twix out here.
- Alex: Her name is Tink.
- Mother Buchanan: Tink, Twink, Toto, Tonto - what do I care?
- Mother Buchanan: I hate her.
- Alex: How can you hate her? You've known her for a few days.
- Mother Buchanan: I'm old. The quicker I hate, the more time I have for my hobbies.
- Mother Buchanan: The hot rumor around town is that Vivian finally has a job, I want to be the first to congratulate her!
- Alex: Oh, you're not here to congratulate her. In your entire life, you've done nothing but insult and ridicule her.
- Mother Buchanan: Okay, if you insist.
- Mother Buchanan: Oh saleslady, could you give me some assistance?
- [annoyed with her mother-in-law]
- Vivian: How may I help you?
- Mother Buchanan: Well, I'd like something off that very tippy-top shelf.
- Vivian: Really? What thing?
- Mother Buchanan: Whatever's heaviest.