- Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [Upon getting a lecture from His Dad about drinking at Frat Parties] Geez Dad, why do You always have to do this to Me?
- Carl Otis Winslow: Do what?
- Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Mimic Me, build walls around Me, and making Me feel...
- Carl Otis Winslow: [Irritably] Edward this is not about walls!... this is about "rules", and drinking will only take You down a road that leads to a dead end!
- Steven Quincy Urkel: [Upon auditioning as a Musician for a Java Cafe] You see; I need this Job so I can fix a Friends floor.
- Cafe Manager: Who cares?
- Steven Quincy Urkel: Well, He does, why... the People down stairs can see right up his Boxers!
- Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [Seeing Eddie all packed, and ready] Sorry Eddie, but You can't move in with Me!
- Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What?
- Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I figured I'd wait til Your arms were full, so You couldn't hit Me!
- Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Remember you said that I win gold medal in the Stupid Olympics? Well, I got news for you, Eddie. I looked it up, there's no such thing!
- Carl Otis Winslow: Why aren't you going with Waldo?
- Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Uh there's been a change of plans, I'm going to move into the frat house. Six bedrooms, 18 guys, one bathroom... lot of fun.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Sounds like it.
- [each reach for Eddie's bag, Carl picks it up and hands it to him]
- Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: For what it's worth... you were right?
- Carl Otis Winslow: What about?
- Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What you said about drinking being a dead end. It got me kicked out of the house, and it just cost me my best friend.
- Carl Otis Winslow: That's the thing about drinking, you don't realize what it does to you... until it's *doing* it to you.
- Stefan Urquelle: [while playing piano] I call this, Stefan Urquelle's tips for a better life. In this world, there are givers, and there are takers: the takers eat better, but the givers, oh, they sleep so much better. At least once in your life, own a convertible, but buy a windscreen so you don't mess up your hair.