Everybody Hates Chris (TV Series)

Everybody Hates Christmas (2005)

Chris Rock: Narrator

Quotes 

• Tanya Rock : I know there's no such thing as Santa Clause.

  Narrator : When my mother heard Tonya say those words, it was like she wasn't her baby anymore.

  Tonya - Age 30 : [Rochelle imagines Tanya aggressively confronting her years later as a young adult]  So, what else did you lie to me about? Are you really gonna kick me out if I get pregnant? Is it true you ain't takin' care of no baby? Can I really not bring a white boy home? Does the Foreman Grill really knock out the fat? Can I really get a loan with no money down? Are you my real mother? Momma, I want ANSWERS!

• Chris Rock : Can we bring a box of canned goods?

  Mrs. Morello : Oh, you don't have to do that, you need those things yourself!

  Chris Rock : What are you talking about? My family's doing fine.

  Mrs. Morello : [Sympathetic]  I know. I know.

  Narrator : She made it seem like We were having a bowl of steam for dinner that night!

• [Chris won't be getting any presents for chirstmas because he's parents need the money for a new boiler] 

  Rochelle Rock : Oh baby, you'll be able to use up all hot water you want.

  Narrator : [Narrating]  So all I'm getting is a clean ass.

  Julius Rock : Steaming hot.

• Narrator : [Narrating]  My mother would give away all the food we had, if she thought it would prove we didn't need it.

• Narrator : [Narrating]  My mom had amazing hearing. You couldn't do anything in that house without her hearing.

  Narrator , Rochelle Rock : [Cut to Chris dropping a bag of cotton balls on the floor in the living room, whilst his mom is in a diffrent room on the other side of the house] 

  Rochelle Rock : Chris! Quit throwing cotton balls all over the place!

• Narrator : [Narrating]  If you had a Walkman, you could even listen to bad music, and no one would know... unless you were dumb enough to sing along.