- Donnie Stevens: Will you give Uncle Donnie a kiss? Ooh-ooh... Hey, man, for no lips, you kiss pretty good!
- Chef Pierre: Zere iss my canard... I've been looking all over for my canard.
- Louis Stevens: [to the duck, whom Louis has named Seymour] Hey, don't worry about it, don't be scared. It's just a guy in a big hat looking for his canard.
- Ren Stevens: Y'know, I hate to tell you this, but, uh, "canard" is French for duck.
- Louis Stevens: So?
- Ren Stevens: Seymour is going to be eaten for dinner.
- Chef Pierre: [he calls his assistant to bring the knife] Rodney...
- Louis Stevens: No, no, you're not, no, I'm sorry, uh, you have a better chance of cookin' me, buddy.
- Chef Pierre: Oh, zat can be arranged.
- Donnie Stevens: Hey, lookit here, cheffie. Nobody's cookin' my brother or his duck.
- Steve Stevens: Good night, Ren.
- Ren Stevens: Good night, Donnie.
- Donnie Stevens: Good night, Mom.
- Eileen Stevens: Good night, Louis.
- Louis Stevens: Good night, Seymour.
- [the duck quacks]
- Eileen Stevens: Kids! What are you doing in the house?
- [growing nervous]
- Eileen Stevens: Where's Chef Pierre? Where's all the food?
- Louis Stevens: Uh... Chef Pierre thought all the food was too hot, so he took it outside to cool it down.
- Eileen Stevens: [panicking] Kids, I have a very hungry lieutenant governor out there, who won't even talk about my family care bill until he has food in his stomach! Ren?
- Ren Stevens: [nervously] Yes?
- Eileen Stevens: I want you to give me a straight answer.
- Ren Stevens: Well, mommy, well...
- [she looks at Louis, who cautiously shakes his head no and smiles to Eileen]
- Ren Stevens: The chef's said the food going to be in a couple of minutes.
- Eileen Stevens: [relieved] Oh, good. I mean, you know that Chef Pierre's a little... .eccentric.
- Dottie Woods: I should go in and ask the chef what's taking so long.
- Eileen Stevens: No, Dottie, no, don't do that, because Chef Pierre is a very busy man. He does not like to be bothered.
- Steve Stevens: Yeah, I heard he clobbered a guy with a ladle once. That's why he's not allowed back in Belgium.
- [Louis is refusing to allow Chef Pierre to cook Seymour the duck]
- Chef Pierre: I count to three. Un... Deux...
- [beat]
- Chef Pierre: [at the top of his lungs] ... Trois!
- [cut to Donnie, Ren and Louis standing in the front yard as Chef Pierre drives away]
- Donnie Stevens: [confused] I thought he said he was gonna count to three.
- Dave Woods: Eileen, any more of those delectable hors d'oeuvres?
- Eileen Stevens: Yes, Dave. On my way!