Roland Thompson: [pointing a gun at Duckman] I'm not in the health business, Mr. Duckman, I'm in the health CARE business. The more beds I fill, the more profits I make. But it does me no good to fill them with sniffles and sprained ankles and other low-rent maladies. That's why we invented the $12 aspirin, the $8 cotton ball: To increase profit margin on lesser diseases.
Eric Duckman: [to himself] They never just kill you. There's always a lecture. Oy.
Roland Thompson: You come in with, say, a bad back, you'll get X-rays, M.R.I.s, bone scans, diskograms, myelograms, and $60,000 later, we sell you a $400 heating pad you could have bought at the drugstore for 30 bucks. But it's not enough.
[whispering]
Roland Thompson: Not nearly. No.
[normal volume]
Roland Thompson: We need the premium patients. Big-money procedures like coronary bypass, gall bladder removal, pulmonary wedge resection, unnecessary hysterectomies!
[foams at the mouth, then runs to the bathroom]
Roland Thompson: [...] ... Laparoscopies, barium enemas, but the big kahuna the everlasting gob-stopper the grand mack daddy of them all is cancer. Cancer alone accounts for 53% of our annual profits. The needless diagnostics, hopeless therapies, experimental drugs, it's a dream come true!
[exits the bathroom]
Roland Thompson: Whew. I was afraid while I was in there, you'd escape.
[Duckman slaps himself on the forehead]
Roland Thompson: Now, where was I?
Eric Duckman: [through gritted teeth] "Cancer is a dream come true."
Roland Thompson: Oh, right. Yes, yes, the chewy profit center in the middle of a health care lolly protected by a cartel of businessmen who depend on cancer to keep them in business.