- Eric Duckman: Bernice. What an amazing coincidence that you wander by just as I'm saving the city from this blow-up doll that somebody accidentally left connected to the air pump in his bedroom while he was busy swiping batteries from his family's smoke detectors to use inside a camcorder.
- Eric Duckman: Bernice! Thank God you've come! I'm about to get eaten by space zombies!
- Bernice: [to the rest of the family] There's nothing for us here, let's head back to the sewer.
- Scientist: You idiot, we're scientists.
- Eric Duckman: Oh... Well, I knew that. Obviously a space mutant would have to be some kind of a scientist.
- Eric Duckman: [trying to throw bricks through Gene Siskel's house window] Damn you, Siskel! You've won this round, but I'll be back!
- Cornfed Pig: [in the sewer, hearing a rumbling getting louder] That's either 800 tons of raging, destructive floodwater, or Rush Limbaugh on roller blades.
- Bernice: Oh, will you STOP with your dry little pig jokes?
- Cornfed Pig: Everyone thinks your butt is HUGE.