- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: [meeting Randy] Boy, look at the size of this kid! If he fell down he'd be out of town.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: I like to think that basically all tall, good-lookin' guys are rats. No offense meant, Rob, but I've been short a long time.
- Mr. Eisenbauer: We're not interested in money, Mr. Petrie.
- Sally Rogers: You don't want more money?
- Mr. Eisenbauer: No. As a matter of fact I think they're overpaying Randy as it is.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Wait a minute. You mean you want the kid to work for LESS money?
- Mr. Eisenbauer: I really don't care.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Hey, this guy sounds like my agent!
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Our producer - a lot HE knows. He picked Germany in the first world war.
- Sally Rogers: I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. My Aunt Agnes was right. You know what she said when she saw Randy at the bowling alley? She said, "Sally, you can't tell a book if the title's covered."
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Y'know, I don't feel very good.
- Sally Rogers: What?
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: I don't feel good.
- Sally Rogers: Well, what's the matter?
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: I'm beginning to understand Aunt Agnes.
- Rob Petrie: Now how do you set out to invent a new dance craze?
- Randy Twizzle: I didn't. I set out to buy a hamburger.
- Rob Petrie: That sounds logical.
- Randy Twizzle: This whole twizzle thing is pretty silly. I really don't know why you want me to sing it on your show.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: I like that twist, boy. It's like puttin' your pajamas on in an upper berth.
- Mel Cooley: I have a feeling someone's pulling my leg.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Maybe your garter belt's too tight.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: I guess I'll go in my car, too, by myself. I like to catch up on my nap when I'm drivin'.
- [Sally and Buddy try identifying Laura's prepared dinner by its smell]
- Sally Rogers: [nose in the air, breathing in deeply] Chicken paprikash and wild rice.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: Leg of lamb and roast potatoes.
- Laura Petrie: Baked lasagna.
- Buddy & Sally: [simultaneously to each other] Told you.
- Laura Petrie: What do actor's usually want when they walk off a set?
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: A belt of booze.
- Sally Rogers: Wait till you hear. I went up to Connecticut this morning to visit my Aunt Agnes. You remember her, Rob. She's the one who says, "It is wise for a poor man to choose the weather, but it's folly for a rich man to choose a poor man."
- [Randy Twizzle looks confused]
- Sally Rogers: Don't try to figure it out. My Aunt Agnes was born on a hill.
- Mel Cooley: [arriving] Sally, I hope you didn't get me up here on a wild goose chase. I want you know you disturbed my dinner.
- Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell: We're even. You just disturbed mine.