- Ritchie Petrie: Well, what's a plot?
- Rob Petrie: Well, Rich, uh, a, uh, plot is, uh... it's where you will go when-when you die, Rich.
- Ritchie Petrie: I thought when you die you go to Heaven.
- Rob Petrie: Well, you do. You do go to Heaven, Rich, a... but a plot is... is kind of like a... a launching pad. Zhoom!
- Sally Rogers: You mean they're fighting over who gets you?
- Rob Petrie: Well, they're going to unless I find some way out of it.
- Buddy Sorrell: Easy. You go with your folks, she'll go with her folks.
- Sally Rogers: No, no, married couples should be together.
- Buddy Sorrell: Oh no, not Pickles and me. In the ceremony it says till death do us part and I'm grabbing it afterwards.
- Sally Rogers: One more death joke and I'll kill ya.
- Buddy Sorrell: Please, not today. We're defrosting.
- Sam Petrie: Are you saying that my burial plot is some kind of a joke?
- Mr. Meehan: What would you say to being buried in the middle of a golf course?
- Sam Petrie: I'd say it was sporting!
- Mr. Meehan: [as the argument ramps up] A commitment is a commitment.
- Laura Petrie: Dad...
- Sam Petrie: A toast is a toast!
- Rob Petrie: Dad...
- Mr. Meehan: A priority is nothing?
- Laura Petrie: Dad!
- Sam Petrie: Priority, my foot! A son is a son.
- Rob Petrie: Dad.
- Sam Petrie: Shut up!
- Mr. Meehan: And a daughter is a daughter.
- Laura Petrie: Dad...
- Mr. Meehan: Shut up!
- Laura Petrie: Rob...!
- Rob Petrie: Shut up.
- Sam Petrie: WHO YOU TELLIN' TO SHUT UP!
- Mr. Meehan: [speaking to Rob privately in the kitchen, away from his wife and Laura] You made a reference in there about your father and me playing golf together.
- Rob Petrie: Ye-yes, I did.
- Mr. Meehan: And you specifically mentioned the fifteenth hole.
- Rob Petrie: Yeah.
- Mr. Meehan: You're obviously alluding to the matter that was discussed between your father and me.
- Rob Petrie: Yeah, Dad, as a matter of fact I was.
- Mr. Meehan: I'm glad you brought it up, because it gives me the opportunity right here and now to tell you that I don't wanna talk about it.
- Rob Petrie: Well, I... You don't wanna talk about it?
- Mr. Meehan: That's right. I don't wanna talk about it.
- Rob Petrie: Well, w-why did you bring me in here?
- Mr. Meehan: To tell you I don't wanna talk about it. It's too painful a subject - not for me, but I want to spare that woman in there. That poor woman.
- Rob Petrie: Well, look, Dad, I didn't wanna talk about it either, but after seein' the way it's affected you two, I think we ought to talk about it.
- Mr. Meehan: I don't wanna talk about it.
- Rob Petrie: Well, I mean, that piece of land my dad bought...
- Mr. Meehan: You're talking about it!
- Rob Petrie: Well, how are we gonna settle anything if we don't talk about it?
- Mr. Meehan: Rob, as far as that woman in there and I are concerned, it IS settled.
- Rob Petrie: Obviously it isn't settled or we wouldn't be talkin' about it.
- Mr. Meehan: We're not talking about it.
- Rob Petrie: Well, what're we talkin' about?
- Mr. Meehan: Something I never wanted to talk about.
- Rob Petrie: What's that?
- Mr. Meehan: Something that woman has felt for years.
- Rob Petrie: Well, can we talk about it?
- Mr. Meehan: Maybe it's time we did.
- Sam Petrie: One more toast.
- Clara Petrie: Oh, Sam. You've already made nine toasts.
- Sam Petrie: Now, you know what they call me at the lodge - Sam Petrie the automatic toaster. Put a glass in my hand and I pop up.
- Buddy Sorrell: When my time comes, I'll be taken care of by my home food plant. I won't even have to leave the house. They'll just stick me in the freezer.
- Sally Rogers: Oh! Buddy, that's terrible!
- Buddy Sorrell: No, it isn't. I'll be wearing a mackinaw.
- Sally Rogers: I don't wanna be there to stop people from talkin' about something I don't wanna think about, but I'll be thinkin' about it because I'll be stoppin' them from talkin' about it. You see?